Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism · Lifestyle

It Was Never About “Her” But Always About Me

Why Her? 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind by Nicki Koziarz | lookingjoligood.blog

Several years ago, I participated in a Bible study using the book Why Her by Nicki Koziarz. The book focuses on the often painful struggle of comparison and provides insights to help women overcome this challenge. While I am generally a content person, different circumstances at that time made me particularly vulnerable to comparison, and I found myself constantly measuring my life against those around me.

At the time, the book was helpful. It offered valuable perspectives and practical advice that provided temporary relief and moments of clarity. However, I have come to realize that the real turning point in my struggle with comparison was not just the insights from a book but removing myself from the environment that was causing so much turmoil in my life.

The high-demand community I was part of created a culture of scrutiny and judgment, which significantly contributed to my feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I have written in a previous post that you cannot get well in the same toxic environment that was making you sick. Removing myself from that environment was a crucial first step in my healing process. It allowed me to gain perspective and start prioritizing my own well-being.

Reading my posts it may sound as if I am blaming all my problems on the religious community I was a part of, and while the environment was a factor, it was merely a catalyst for deeper issues. To begin healing, I had to confront and address these underlying problems and take responsibility.

WhyHer Nicki Koziarz | lookingjoligood.blog

Comparison is an internal issue that cannot be fixed with external solutions. True contentment comes from within and requires addressing the underlying insecurities and beliefs that fuel comparison. No amount of external validation or changes in circumstances can fully resolve this internal struggle. It takes introspection, self-compassion, and a shift in perspective to overcome the habit of comparing ourselves to others and find genuine peace and satisfaction in who we are.

Wherever you go, there you are—and if comparison is rooted within you, it will follow. Changing your surroundings won’t silence it; only shifting your mindset and finding contentment in your own journey can truly set you free.

Now, I am content not only with the choices I have made to create a healthier, more positive life, but also with who I am internally and externally, flaws and all. Looking back, I realize that the struggle was never about “her” or anyone else I compared myself to—it was always about me. By focusing on my own choices and well-being, I have found a sense of peace and fulfillment that comparison could never bring.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com
Lifestyle

6 Ways To Ensure Unhappiness

We all want to be happy, but yet often we are our own worst enemies!  I know that quite often the only reason that I am unhappy is that I choose to be.  Here are 6 quick way to ensure that you are unhappy!6 ways to ensure unhappiness | lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

1.Have Unrealistic Expectations

Unmet expectations will almost always be the cause of your unhappiness in life.

Unmet expectations are usually what causes anger as well. It is not always easy to admit that the true source of your anger and unhappiness is from not getting what you wanted!

Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

2. Have Uncommunicated Expectations

Guess what? No one is a mind reader! Can you believe it?! It is true.

If you want someone in your life to do something, first they need to know what you want from them. Don’t get upset when you expect something from someone that they have no clue about.

Give the people in your life the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to meet your expectations.

6 ways to ensure unhappiness | lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

3. Don’t Be Honest With Yourself

Sometimes, I have to stop and ask myself “Why am I doing what I am doing?”  Sometimes I know exactly why.  Sometimes the answer is clear and positive.  Sometimes I don’t really know what my motivation is.

Sometimes I have to really take a step back and be honest with myself, “What do I want out of this situation?”  I don’t always like the answer that I have to give myself.

 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:3

6 ways to ensure unhappiness | lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

4. Don’t Be Honest With Others

So many ugly situations in life could be avoided if we were to live by the simple truth of “Say what you mean and mean what you say!”

Do you want to host Easter dinner? Nope.

Then when you are asked to host, be honest about it and say “No.”  Don’t say you will host and then make it clear to everyone around you that you don’t want to have them at your house.

Better a small serving of vegetables with love than a fattened calf with hatred.
Proverbs 15:17

Are you upset because someone hurt your feelings? YES!

Tell them the truth about the way you feel, don’t say “Nothing” when asked what is wrong.  If it is important enough to you to make you upset, it should be important enough for you to share.

Be respectful of the relationship and give them the chance to correct the situation.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
1 John 3:18

1 John 3:18 | lookingjoligood.blog
photo credit: Bible app

5. Assign Intent To Others

On a daily basis, we can find a something to get offended about.

What happened?

Your friend didn’t like your IG photo.
Your co-workers went to lunch without you.
Your sisters got together for a playdate with their kids and you weren’t included.
Two people you know were having a serious conversation and didn’t acknowledge you.
Your friends had a girl’s night out and you couldn’t go.

Don’t take things personally! Almost always, people are not against you, they are just for themselves.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13

Colossians 3:13 | lookingjoligood.blog
Photo credit: Bible app

If you want to be unhappy give intent to the unintentional things that other people do!

6. Compare your life to others.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”-Theodore Roosevelt

In this world of social media, it is so hard not to get sucked into comparing ourselves with others. Due to social media, we see so much more of people’s “private” lives.

The problem is that we are usually comparing all of our flaws with the snapshots of an edited filtered picture perfect life.  Their reality is that they also have flaws that we do not see.

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.
Galatians 6:4-5

Stop it! Be grateful for what you do have! 

A Flower Does Not Think of Competing With the Flower Next to It. It Just Blooms! | lookingjoligood.wrodpress.com

Follow these simple steps to have a completely unhappy life! 😉

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I would love for you to follow me on TwitterInstagram,  Pinterest, and Facebook. You can find me as Looking Joli Good on all four.

6 ways to ensure unhappiness | lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

Lifestyle

Focusing on Gratitude

 

At the beginning of 2018 I mentioned in a previous post that in lieu of a New Year’s resolution, I have claimed the word “gratitude” for the year.

I was recently reading a devotional focusing on Job’s gratitude despite having seemingly lost everything important to him. Having what seemed like nothing left, he still said: “the Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord!” Job 1:20-21
Blessed be the name of the Lord | lookingjoligood.blog
 
Having lost everything, Job still thanked and blessed God! I was so convicted by this! How do I personally react when simple things don’t go my way… Never mind losing everything important to me?! Do I still have a grateful heart?!  It’s easy to be thankful when the sun is shining…but what about when the sky is gray, there’s icy snow on the roads, the kids are up during the night coughing with fevers, the car won’t start, and the pipes burst?
 
The difficult circumstances of life can make it hard to be grateful!  It is not easy to say “Thank you, Lord.” when it is a terrible horrible no good very bad day! Whether or not we see God’s purpose, we can be thankful to our Heavenly Father? In every situation, God sees an opportunity for us to trust Him and glorify Him.
Both in trials and blessings, a grateful heart returns praise to God.  I have been praying for God to give me a grateful heart, not just for the people I love, the things I have, and good times, but also for the hard experiences and people that aren’t always pleasant to be around. 
Whether in trials or blessings God is good! With God’s help I need to set my mind and heart towards gratitude during the summery sunshine or wintery gloom.

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Gratitude: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful

Job 1:21

And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

 

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I would love for you to follow me on TwitterInstagram,  Pinterest, and Facebook. You can find me as Looking Joli Good on all four.

gratitude

Lifestyle

What’s the Word for 2018?

Happy New Year, 2018!

Happy New Year | lookingjoligood.blog

I’m not really one for New Year’s Resolutions, what about you? 

I am more of a resolve to make a change when it is needed whether it is January 1st, April 18th, or November 24th. That being said, this year I am going to try something a little different. This is something that has been on my mind for a few weeks now…

I have been thinking about claiming a word for the year.

I feel as if claiming a word has a much more positive spin to it than a new years resolution.  Most New Year’s Resolutions are tossed aside or forgotten by the end of February… Whereas, a word of the year is something that can be focused on, and meditated on, in little spurts rather than an everyday task or one big thing.

Here are a few of my potential words:

  • Contentmentsatisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else. ease of mind.
  • Joy: the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation:
  • Healththe general condition of the body or mind with reference to soundness and vigor
  • Kindness: of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, sympathetic attitude toward others, and a willingness to do good or give pleasure.
  • Organization: to form as a whole consisting of interdependent or coordinated parts, especially for united action:

One of the words in the top running for this year is actually something that I have already been trying to focus on: Gratitude!

Gratitude: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful
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During the month of November, I blogged daily about what I am thankful for. I really enjoyed intentionally focusing on being grateful. After taking the time every day to list out all the things I have to be thankful for I realized just how true it is that gratitude turns what we have into enough!

 

The best is yet to come | lookingjoligood.blog

What about you?  Do you make resolutions or do you claim a word to focus on for the year?  I’d love to hear what you are looking forward to in 2018!

lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

I would love for you to follow me on TwitterInstagram,  Pinterest, and Facebook. You can find me as Looking Joli Good on all four.