Abstract/TL;DR: Growing up, I was taught to distrust my instincts and rely solely on the teachings of the church. This led to guilt and shame for my independent thinking. However, I have come to understand that this belief contradicts the teachings of a loving God. I value critical thinking and discernment, realizing that faith and reason can coexist. I recognize my capacity for both good and evil and embrace the love and grace of God despite my imperfections. I trust my instincts and have a more compassionate approach to spirituality, embracing my own worth as a beloved child of God.

There is a passage in the Bible in Jeremiah 17:9-10 (KJV) 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. (We’ll discuss this a bit more later*)

Growing up, I was constantly taught that I couldn’t trust my gut instincts. I was taught that my natural inclinations were inherently sinful and wicked, and that I needed to rely solely on the teachings of the Bible and the church to navigate my life. It was ingrained in me from a young age that my thoughts, desires, and intuition were all tainted by my sinful nature, and I felt a constant burden of guilt and shame.

As I grew older, I possessed a strong sense of self-confidence and trust in my own abilities. However, I continually encountered the disheartening message that I was wrong for daring to think for myself. This teaching contradicted my innate belief in independent thought and individual expression. Despite my natural inclination to rely on my own judgment and listen to my gut, I was consistently told that this was misguided and unacceptable. The pressure to conform and relinquish my independent thinking weighed heavily on me, causing internal frustration.

I have come to understand that the belief that we are desperately wicked does not align with the teachings of a loving and gracious God. Throughout my spiritual journey, I have encountered various teachings that emphasize the unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace of God. These teachings have helped me recognize that I am created in the image of God and possess inherent worth and goodness.

I have discovered there is beauty in critical thinking and discernment. Blindly following a set of rules and doctrines without questioning them stifles growth and limits understanding of the world. I embrace the idea that faith and reason can coexist, and that my own thoughts and experiences are valuable contributions to my spiritual and personal development.

I have the capacity for both good and evil, I have learned that God’s love and grace are available to me despite my imperfections. I am not defined solely by my shortcomings or mistakes. Instead, I am encouraged to strive for moral and spiritual growth, knowing that God’s love extends to every aspect of my life.

Today, I firmly believe that I can trust my gut instincts and that I am not inherently wicked. I have come to understand that the Bible can be interpreted in different ways and should not be used as a tool to suppress my own inherent goodness. I have grown from the teachings that once confined me and have embraced a more compassionate approach to Theology and spirituality.

Understanding the love and grace of God has allowed me to embrace my own value and potential. It has taught me to extend compassion and forgiveness to myself and others, fostering an environment of growth, healing, and transformation in my life. I am grateful for the teachings that have shown me the true nature of God’s love and have helped me embrace my own worth as a beloved child of God.

Desperately Wicked:

From depths within, darkness did reside,
But grace’s touch, my soul it did guide.
In shadows lost, I found redemption’s embrace,
Transformed by love, in its boundless grace.

Covered By Grace:

Beneath my flaws, grace’s shelter I found,
A refuge for my soul, where love’s abound.
Released from chains, I embrace my place,
Forever encased in grace.

*Now, for those who, based off of Jeremiah 17:9-10 KJV, would like to tell me why I am wrong and actually I am wicked and inherently evil and shouldn’t be trusting my gut, let’s discuss the verses…

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Let’s delve into the context of Jeremiah 17:9 to better understand its intended message. This verse has often been used as a cautionary passage to suggest that we can’t trust ourselves due to the wickedness of our hearts. However, taking a closer look, it becomes evident that Jeremiah 17:9 is more about the specific historical and spiritual context of the time, rather than a blanket statement about human nature.

Jeremiah was addressing the disobedience of the people of Judah in the midst of their impending invasion by the Babylonians. The use of hyperbolic language in Jeremiah 17:9 helps emphasize the depth of Judah’s transgressions and their departure from God’s ways. The focus here is on exposing the unfaithfulness of the nation, rather than making a broad statement about the inherent wickedness of all human hearts.

In fact, when we read further in the passage, specifically verses 7 and 8, we find that Jeremiah also highlights the blessedness of those who trust in God. This nuance suggests that not everyone’s heart is inherently deceitful and wicked. There are people whose hearts are aligned with God’s will and whose trust in Him leads to positive outcomes. (v7-8 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.)

So, interpreting Jeremiah 17:9 as a universal declaration that we can never trust ourselves or that our hearts are always evil oversimplifies the message. Instead, it’s a call to reflection on the state of one’s heart in a specific historical context and an encouragement to turn towards God’s guidance.

In essence, while there are lessons to be gleaned from this verse about the potential pitfalls of human nature, it’s important to consider the broader context and the message of hope and blessings found within Jeremiah’s writings. The verse reminds us to stay aligned with God’s will and to trust Him, while acknowledging that there are those whose hearts genuinely seek goodness and righteousness.

Disclaimer: The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.