Several years ago, I participated in a Bible study using the book Why Her by Nicki Koziarz. The book focuses on the often painful struggle of comparison and provides insights to help women overcome this challenge. While I am generally a content person, different circumstances at that time made me particularly vulnerable to comparison, and I found myself constantly measuring my life against those around me.

At the time, the book was helpful. It offered valuable perspectives and practical advice that provided temporary relief and moments of clarity. However, I have come to realize that the real turning point in my struggle with comparison was not just the insights from a book but removing myself from the environment that was causing so much turmoil in my life.

The high-demand community I was part of created a culture of scrutiny and judgment, which significantly contributed to my feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I have written in a previous post that you cannot get well in the same toxic environment that was making you sick. Removing myself from that environment was a crucial first step in my healing process. It allowed me to gain perspective and start prioritizing my own well-being.

Reading my posts it may sound as if I am blaming all my problems on the religious community I was a part of, and while the environment was a factor, it was merely a catalyst for deeper issues. To begin healing, I had to confront and address these underlying problems and take responsibility.

Comparison is an internal issue that cannot be fixed with external solutions. True contentment comes from within and requires addressing the underlying insecurities and beliefs that fuel comparison. No amount of external validation or changes in circumstances can fully resolve this internal struggle. It takes introspection, self-compassion, and a shift in perspective to overcome the habit of comparing ourselves to others and find genuine peace and satisfaction in who we are.

Wherever you go, there you are—and if comparison is rooted within you, it will follow. Changing your surroundings won’t silence it; only shifting your mindset and finding contentment in your own journey can truly set you free.

Now, I am content not only with the choices I have made to create a healthier, more positive life, but also with who I am internally and externally, flaws and all. Looking back, I realize that the struggle was never about “her” or anyone else I compared myself to—it was always about me. By focusing on my own choices and well-being, I have found a sense of peace and fulfillment that comparison could never bring.