As I celebrate Mother’s Day today, I am filled with gratitude for the privilege of being a mother. It is a role that has brought me immeasurable joy, endless challenges, and an unconditional love that I am grateful for.
Motherhood has been an incredible journey filled with surprises and a multitude of lessons. As I reflect on the experiences that have shaped me, I am in awe of the transformative power of nurturing life.
From the moment I held my first child in my arms for the very first time, I was overcome with a love unlike any other. It was a love that knew no bounds, that stretched me beyond what I thought possible. Through the sleepless nights and endless challenges, I discovered a strength within myself that I never knew existed.
Motherhood has taught me patience, resilience, and unconditional love. It has shown me the beauty in the small moments—the sound of my children’s laughter, the warmth of their embraces, the wonder in their eyes as they explore the world around them.
But perhaps the greatest lesson of all has been the gift of perspective. In the midst of chaos and uncertainty, motherhood has taught me to find joy in the simple pleasures, to appreciate the fleeting moments, and to hold onto the memories that will last a lifetime.
Today, as we celebrate the remarkable women who have shaped our lives, many of us are enveloped in feelings of joy and contentment. We delight in the company of our cherished mothers and grandmothers, and we enjoy the love of our precious children.
However, amidst the laughter and festivities, it’s important to acknowledge that not everyone experiences this day in the same way. For some, Mother’s Day serves as a poignant reminder of profound loss—the absence of a beloved mother or grandmother, the heartache of a lost child, or the disappointment of unfulfilled dreams and expectations. The sight of others reveling in maternal love may only serve to amplify these feelings of longing and emptiness.
It’s important that we extend compassion and understanding to those who are navigating this day with heavy hearts, offering them a comforting embrace or a listening ear. Let us honor the complexity of emotions that Mother’s Day evokes, recognizing that for some, it’s not just a celebration, but a day of remembrance and healing.
“Happy Mother’s Day” to all:
💐 Those who are Mothers 💐 Those who anticipate motherhood 💐 Those who grieve the loss of their Mothers 💐 Those Mothers who mourn their children 💐 Step-mothers navigating their unique journeys 💐 Women yearning to embrace Motherhood 💐 Those facing challenges in their Mother relationships 💐 Those navigating difficult dynamics with their children 💐 Women who have chosen a different path 💐 Pet owners who nurture their fur babies 💐 And to everyone honoring the spirit of Motherhood in their own way.
I’m not an overly political person. I like to keep up on current events and know what is going on, but I tend to stay away from heated debates and partisan discussions. Instead, I prefer to focus on understanding the underlying issues, researching different perspectives, and making informed decisions based on facts and my own values.
I believe that being informed about politics and current events is essential for responsible citizenship, as it allows me to engage in meaningful conversations and make educated choices during elections. However, I also value maintaining respectful and open dialogues with people of differing opinions, recognizing that constructive conversations can lead to greater understanding and compromise.
While I may not be an activist or deeply involved in political campaigns, I recognize the importance of civic engagement. I vote in elections, participate in local community initiatives, and support causes that align with my values. By striking a balance between staying informed and maintaining a civil, non-confrontational approach to politics, I aim to contribute positively to my community and society as a whole.
One of the most important things I can do is vote! Your vote holds significance, and local government plays a vital role in shaping the quality of life in your community. Here’s why local government is of paramount importance:
Local government decisions have a direct impact on your daily life. They oversee crucial services such as education, transportation, public safety, and infrastructure. By participating in local elections, you influence how these services are funded, managed, and improved to meet your needs.
Local officials are often your neighbors who understand your community’s unique challenges. By voting in local elections, you ensure that your voice is heard, and your concerns are addressed by representatives who are intimately familiar with your area.
Economic development is greatly influenced by local government policies. Through zoning regulations, tax incentives, and infrastructure investments, they can foster job growth and enhance economic opportunities. Your vote can help shape the economic future of your community.
Local government is responsible for public safety, including law enforcement and emergency services. Voting for leaders who prioritize effective public safety policies contributes to the security and well-being of your neighborhood.
Environmental stewardship is another crucial role of local government. They implement policies related to conservation, waste management, and sustainable development, directly impacting the environment in your area.
School boards and districts are typically under local officials. Your vote in school board elections can affect the quality of education provided to the children in your community.
Local government is often more accessible and responsive to citizens’ needs compared to larger, more distant levels of government. Your vote ensures that your concerns are more likely to be addressed promptly and effectively.
Fiscal responsibility is a key aspect of local governance. Local governments manage budgets that affect property taxes and local services. Voting for fiscally responsible leaders helps ensure that taxpayer dollars are used efficiently and responsibly.
Local government plays a significant role in community building. They support cultural events, recreational activities, and civic engagement, fostering a sense of belonging and togetherness in your area.
Furthermore, strong local government serves as a crucial check on state and federal power, ensuring that decisions are made with the best interests of the community in mind. It helps maintain the balance of power and ensures that your community’s unique needs are not overlooked.
In conclusion, your vote in local elections empowers you to actively participate in shaping the governance and future of your community. Local government decisions influence all aspects of your daily life, making it essential to engage in the democratic process at the local level to contribute to a better future for your neighborhood and beyond.
Here is a link to learn how to register so you can vote in federal, state, and local elections. Click HERE to Register to vote at Vote.gov.
If you haven’t read The Spirit of Fear Part One, please click HERE to start reading there first. Once you have read that you can come back and read Part Two.
Exploring the intricate layers of fear, its origins, and its impact in a religious context required delving into both personal experiences and the communal dynamics of the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church and the community I was a part of. Confronting the Spirit of Fear is a topic that has taken significant introspection and courage to unravel its complexities.
The Bible often speaks of the fear of the Lord. Here are some examples from the King James Version (KJV):
Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Ecclesiastes 12:13“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.”
Deuteronomy 10:12 “And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul.”
Psalm 111:10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.”
In the context of these Bible verses, the “fear of the Lord” refers to a deep reverence, awe, and respect for God. It involves acknowledging God’s holiness, power, and authority. This fear is not about being terrified or scared of God in a negative sense, but rather about recognizing His greatness and living in accordance with His commandments. It implies a posture of humility, obedience, and devotion to God’s will. The fear of the Lord is often associated with the beginning of wisdom and knowledge, suggesting that a proper understanding of God is foundational to a life of spiritual insight and understanding.
This reverence, awe, and respect for God is not the type of fear that I am talking about here.
In the Bible, there are instances where God’s wrath is depicted as a response to disobedience, rebellion, or the violation of His commands. Here are a few examples that quickly came to my mind:
The Flood (Genesis 6-8): God, seeing the wickedness of humanity, decided to send a great flood to cleanse the earth. Noah and his family were spared, but the rest of humanity faced death due to God’s judgment.
Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18-19): Due to the extreme wickedness of these cities, God rained down fire and sulfur, destroying them completely. Lot and his family were the only ones spared. Yet when Lot’s wife looked back she was turned into a pillar of salt. I have often contemplated the idea that, in a similar situation, I would likely turn to look back.
Plagues on Egypt (Exodus 7-12): In response to Pharaoh’s refusal to release the Israelites, God sent a series of plagues, demonstrating His power and demanding obedience. The final plague resulted in the death of the firstborn in every Egyptian household.
Korah’s Rebellion (Numbers 16): Korah, along with others, rebelled against Moses and Aaron’s leadership. In response, God caused the earth to open up and swallow the rebels.
Uzzah and the Ark (2 Samuel 6:1-7): Uzzah touched the Ark of the Covenant when it was being transported, contrary to God’s command. God’s anger burned against Uzzah, and he died instantly as a consequence of his irreverence. (I cannot tell you how many times I have thought about this particular story though out the years. Uzzah, not wanting the Ark to fall disobeyed and reached out and touched it. I too would probably try to help.)
Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11): In the early Christian community, Ananias and Sapphira lied about their financial contributions. God’s judgment led to their sudden deaths as a warning to the church about the seriousness of deceit. (How many times have I lied or stretched the truth?!)
These examples illustrate instances where God’s wrath was manifested in response to disobedience, rebellion, or unrepentant sin. And while, as a child and maybe even as an adult, I was terrified that I was going to do something that was going to cause me to die instantly as a consequence of my sin, it’s important to note that these narratives are part of a broader theological understanding of God’s justice and the consequences of human actions.
A wrathful God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, as an expression of His love and mercy. The concept is rooted in the idea that humanity, due to sin, deserved divine punishment or wrath. Instead of condemning humanity, God chose to extend His grace by sending Jesus to bear the consequences of sin on behalf of humanity. Through Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross God’s justice was satisfied, and a way for reconciliation between God and humanity was established. It reflects the belief in God’s desire for redemption and the offer of salvation through faith in Christ.
So, the question remains, should I be afraid of God?
Growing up, I received mixed messages about fear and love in the context of my faith. While I was told to “fear not” and trust in God’s love, the predominant teachings emphasized the fear of God and the consequences of sin. Despite the reassurance to cast away fear, there was an underlying narrative that positioned God as something to be afraid of – a divine figure ready to mete out judgment for any transgression. The dichotomy between the encouragement to trust and the emphasis on fear created a paradoxical relationship with God, where love and fear seemed intertwined. The conflicting narratives left a lack of understanding of a God who could simultaneously inspire love and evoke such immense fear.
Reflecting on this, it becomes evident that the juxtaposition of messages about God’s love and the fear of His wrath created internal conflict and confusion. This experience underscores the importance of consistency and clarity in religious teachings. It highlights the potential impact of mixed messages on an individual’s perception of faith and their relationship with a higher power. When told to love but simultaneously made to fear, the inherent contradiction can hinder the development of genuine love. Understanding that conflicting narratives can lead to internal struggles emphasizes the need for open dialogue, thoughtful interpretation of religious teachings, and a commitment to create a harmonious understanding of faith. Ultimately, seeking a balanced perspective that allows for both reverence and love in one’s relationship with the divine.
The perspective on fearing God varies among individuals and religious traditions. In a healthy spiritual context, fear of God is often interpreted as awe, reverence, and a deep respect for divine power. It is not meant to instill paralyzing fear but rather to inspire humility and a desire to live in accordance with ethical and spiritual principles.
However, if the fear of God becomes overwhelming, causing anxiety, crushing guilt, or hindering one’s relationship with the divine, it may be beneficial to explore a more balanced understanding of God’s nature, one rooted in love and grace. For me personally focusing on God’s grace helped to contribute to a healthier and more enriching spiritual experience than what I was used to during my time in the IFB. I also found that establishing healthy boundaries that prioritize my mental and emotional well-being involved distancing myself from that toxic environment and some IFB individuals.
I cannot honestly say that there are not times that I still feel afraid of God, but these moments are now intertwined with a growing realization. While reverence for the divine is important, I’ve come to recognize that the fear instilled in me was often rooted in a portrayal of a vengeful and punitive deity. As I navigate my own spirituality , I seek a deeper understanding of God—one that encompasses love, mercy, and grace, allowing me to approach the divine with a reverence that nurtures a relationship built on trust and adoration rather than fear and trepidation.
Disclaimer:It’s important to acknowledge that this is my opinion based on my own life experiences. It’s essential to recognize that not all people within IFB churches function in a state of constant fear. Some may be more openminded and respectful of differing viewpoints, acknowledging that genuine faith can coexist alongside diverse beliefs.People have diverse experiences and perceptions, and some may genuinely enjoy and benefit from their involvement in the IFB. I may disagree, but unlike what I experienced while in the IFB I do not intend to diminish or invalidate those positive experiences but rather seeks to highlight the complexities of personal perspectives and their role in shaping our understanding of the world.
As we approach the end of the year, there’s a natural sense of anticipation and excitement that comes with the prospect of a fresh start. New Year’s embodies the idea of turning a page, offering us the chance to reflect on the past and look forward to the future with optimism. It’s a time when we set new goals, make plans, and envision the possibilities that lie ahead.
The excitement of new beginnings is like a gentle breeze, quietly whispering promises of growth, positive change, and the opportunity to create new memories. It’s a moment of renewal, a chance to reset and recalibrate our paths. As the clock strikes midnight, there’s a collective sense of hope and enthusiasm for what the coming year might bring.
Here’s to the simple joy of fresh starts, the quiet thrill of setting intentions, and the beauty of a new year. Wishing you a wonderful New Year filled with small victories, meaningful moments, and the joy of embracing the journey ahead. 🎉🌟
Sending you the merriest Christmas wishes, wrapped in love and sprinkled with joy! May your holidays be filled with the laughter, coziness, cherished traditions, and the beauty of the season. Cheers to a wonderful Christmas and a bright, happy New Year!
It is almost Christmas and that means gift giving and and getting.Even thought I wouldn’t necessarily buy all of these things for myself, it is exciting to think about items that I would like to add to my collection. Wishlists give me a chance to explore new skincare, makeup, and other beauty items that catch my eye and pique my interest without any actual monetary risk. Here is a Christmas wishlist that I have created. Maybe you want to curate your own beauty wishlist or even add some of the things from my list to yours! (All the photos included below are the property of their respective originating company.)
There is so much hype around this blush that whenever I go into Sephora the shades that I want are always sold out. My daughter recently purchased this for her birthday and she loves it.
Experience the featherlight allure of a long-lasting liquid blush that effortlessly blends and builds to achieve a soft, healthy flush. This weightless formula, available in both matte and dewy finishes, imparts a pinch-perfect glow. Infused with enduring pigments, it delivers a natural, second-skin finish that lasts throughout the day. With thirteen shades and two finishes—radiant and matte—this liquid blush showcases its versatility. An esteemed recipient of the Allure Best of Beauty award, this product ensures a seamlessly beautiful and buildable application.
Fenty’s Cookies N Clean Whipped Clay Pore Detox Face Mask with salicylic acid + charcoal, priced at $35 USD in a 75 ml / 2.5 oz, designed to detoxify pores without causing dryness. This 10-minute pore detox combines whipped clay and charcoal to deeply purify pores, removing dirt and leaving the skin soft and conditioned. Clinically tested, it instantly improves skin texture and combats shine throughout the day. The lightweight whipped clay extracts dirt, oil, and impurities, while encapsulated charcoal bursts upon massaging, aiding in detoxification. Salicylic acid contributes to pore clarification. The mask instantly refines skin texture, minimizes the appearance of pores, and reduces excess oil. Suitable for all skin types, including sensitive, and fragrance-free, it is noncomedogenic, making it ideal for all skin types, even sensitive and dry. Vegan, wheat gluten-free, and earth-conscious, this mask has undergone a 2-week clinical study on 53 people, demonstrating instant and lasting benefits, such as improved skin texture, reduced surface oil, and unanimous agreement on its purifying, detoxifying, and shine-reducing properties.
These sneakers are so cute! Crafted from faux leather, the upper of this lace-up sneaker boasts a padded collar and tongue for enhanced comfort. Making a confident statement with its timeless style, the platform midsole provides a subtle lift, and the rubber outsole ensures essential traction. Featuring a faux leather upper, lace-up closure, padded collar and tongue, a cushioned comfort insole, platform midsole, and a rubber traction outsole, this sneaker combines bold aesthetics with practical functionality.
If you have a middle or high school girl living in your house you already know all about the LuLuLemon Everywhere Belt Bag. It is a versatile accessory priced at $38 USD with a 1L capacity. Crafted from water-repellent fabric, this bag is specifically designed for those on the move. It features an exterior zippered pocket for securing valuables, while interior pockets offer convenient storage for essentials. Once you achieve your perfect fit, tuck the excess belt bag strap into the elastic loops for a streamlined look. The bag dimensions measure 19cm x 5.5cm x 13cm (7.5″ x 2″ x 5″), and the fully extended strap length reaches 106cm (41.7”). The materials include 100% recycled polyester for both the mesh and lining, with the body crafted from 100% nylon. Care instructions advise spot cleaning and caution against washing, bleaching, tumble drying, ironing, or dry cleaning. Imported for quality and style, the Everywhere Belt Bag combines practical features with sustainable materials for a reliable and eco-friendly accessory.
I have been working out again and these gentle support high waisted legging have caught my eye. The Nike Zenvy Women’s Gentle-Support High-Waisted 7/8 Leggings priced at $100, available in 21 different colorways. Whether you’re engaged in yoga, cycling, or a leisurely walk, these leggings provide unparalleled freedom of movement in their Infinasoft fabric. Remarkably soft yet squat-proof, the fabric ensures comfort with every bend, stretch, and shift. The streamlined design with fewer pockets offers a clean aesthetic, while the center back drop-in pocket is generously sized to accommodate your phone. Durable for repeated wear and washing, these leggings boast a tight fit for a snug and form-fitting experience, gentle support that feels like a soft hug, a 7/8 length that hits at the ankle, and a high-waisted style that sits at or above your natural waist for added coverage. Notably, the recycled nylon used in Nike products, derived from materials like recycled carpet and used fish nets, undergoes eco-friendly processes, reducing carbon emissions by up to 50% compared to virgin nylon. Embrace sustainability with Nike’s Move to Zero journey, committed to zero carbon and zero waste, designing products with environmental consciousness to protect the future of where we live and play.
What It Is: A deep-cleansing OUAI scrub with tropics-inspired notes of dragonfruit, orange blossom, tuberose, and Baltic amber
Good to Know: Paraben free, phthalate free
What It Does: Exfoliates impurities from your scalp and smooths out dry skin, while simultaneously offering reliable nourishment
Skin Type: For all types
How to Use: Scalp: In the shower, section wet hair to reveal the scalp. Apply a quarter-size amount directly to the scalp and rub in circular motions, then rinse. Body: Apply to damp skin and rub in circular motions to gently exfoliate
This skincare trio offers a high-potency toner, a skin-strengthening moisturizer, and a brightening eye crème to help you relax, recharge, and renew your complexion in three simple steps. The set includes the Glow2OH Dark Spot Toner (65 ml/2.2 oz), which reduces the appearance of dark circles and retextures the skin; the full-size Strength Trainer Peptide Boost Moisturizer (50 ml/1.7 oz), which instantly hydrates and strengthens the skin; and the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème (7 ml/0.25 oz), providing an instant brightening effect for the undereye area while visibly reducing crow’s feet. This trio, known for its retexturizing, brightening, dark circle-reducing, hydrating, and strengthening benefits, is a bestseller. The Glow2OH Dark Spot Toner is applied at night using a cotton pad, followed by an OLEHENRIKSEN serum or moisturizer. The Strength Trainer Peptide Boost Moisturizer is evenly applied to the face and neck in the morning and evening after serum application, while the Banana Bright+ Eye Crème is delicately applied with the ring finger to the undereye area. For external use only. Use as directed. Sunburn alert: The toner contains alpha hydroxy acid (AHA), increasing skin sensitivity to the sun, so use sunscreen and protective clothing, limiting sun exposure. Avoid the eye area, and in case of contact, rinse immediately. If irritation occurs, discontinue use.
I already own a few beloved items from Ole Henriksen, but I haven’t yet tried their best selling vitamin C eye cream. “With a new and upgraded fragrance-free formula, now featuring real gold, that brightens, visibly diminishes dark circles and crow’s feet and improves concealer application and wear.
Powered by a potent triple vitamin C complex with REAL gold, which improves delivery of vitamin C to the skin, Banana Bright+ Eye Crème is clinically formulated to instantly brighten, smooth and hydrate undereyes, while also visibly reducing fine lines and wrinkles and defending skin against harmful free radicals and pollution.
The vegan, fragrance-free formula also features our iconic universally-flattering light-reflecting mineral pigments—inspired by makeup artist must-have, banana powder—to instantly-color-correct and revive tired under eyes. But that’s not all: It’s also crease-resistant and improves concealer wear.”
I have heard a lot of good things about the Well People Bio Complexion Starter Set for $67 which includes a 3 piece complexion starter kit.
“Full product description: This all-in-one makeup kit features three of our bestselling full-size Bio Complexion products and is the key to a beautifully smooth complexion. It’s everything you need for your complexion to create the ideal base for the “no makeup” makeup look, conceal imperfections, control excess shine, and customize your coverage. This plant-powered trio is infused with Pomegranate Oil, Broccoli Seed Oil, and Olive-derived Squalane to hydrate for glowing healthy-looking skin.
The set includes:
Bio Correct Concealer: A buildable full-coverage concealer that seamlessly covers blemishes and corrects dark spots.
Bio Tint Moisturizer: A skin-perfecting tinted moisturizer with light-to-medium coverage and SPF 30 protection.
Bio Powder Foundation: A weightless pressed powder foundation that perfects and smooths the skin with a semi-matte finish.”
“Brighten up with this game-changing serum. This ultra-potent 10% blend of two forms of vitamin C, turmeric, and camu camu instantly brightens skin and helps even skin tone. The antioxidant-rich formula also helps defend skin from the damaging effects of environmental stressors, revealing a more youthful-looking complexion.
Benefits:
Brightening:A unique blend of two ultra-stable forms of vitamin C delivers a supercharged 10% potency
Quick-absorbing: Our quick-absorbing formula allows for easy layering and an instant boost of radiance
Glow-boosting: Leaves skin glowing and promotes an even skin tone
Clinically proven to:*
Even skin tone
Improve skin radiance/brightness
After eight weeks:**
100% said skin looked brighter
94% said it reduced the appearance of dark spots
97% said skin looked more youthful
94% said skin tone looked more even
*Based on a 32-subject clinical study after eight weeks.
**Based on a 32-subject consumer perception study after eight weeks of use. “
I have been totally obsessed with wide leg pants recently. I think that these are a beautiful pair of pants. I doubt they will look like this on me, but a short legged girl can dream right?!
Sophisticated and decadent, this exceptionally tailored pant is crafted from our best-selling Italian stretch-wool with elegant double pleating at the front to enhance its wide-leg silhouette. Relaxed Wide-Leg Fit: Super high waisted. Relaxed fit from hip to thigh, voluminous leg. Full length. FROM ITALY’S MARZOTTO MILL: This style is crafted using fabric from Italy’s Marzotto mill – one of the oldest mills in Italy, renowned for creating innovative fabrics from the world’s most luxurious fibers. Adjustable: Internal button-tabs at the waistband adjust from high-rise to ultra-high rise. Zip fly with hook-and-bar closure. Belt loops. Front and back pockets. *Runs 1 size large. Size down if you prefer more form-fitting.
Made with sustainably sourced TENCEL™ branded Lyocell fibers for a supremely soft fabric. Two button closure with zip fly. Slant front pockets. Oversized patch pockets on legs. Seams down front legs. Adjustable tab at back waist. Back waist darts. Made exclusively for Banana Republic Factory.
What is on your beauty and fashion wish list? I would love to hear about it in the comments!
**An affiliate link is a unique URL provided by an affiliate program or network to their partners, such as bloggers or website owners. When someone clicks on an affiliate link and makes a purchase or completes a desired action, the affiliate partner earns a commission or other form of compensation. These links are specifically tracked to attribute sales or conversions generated through the partner’s promotional efforts. In summary, an affiliate link is a specialized link that allows partners to earn commissions by driving traffic and sales to a particular product or service.**
If you have made it this far in the post, thanks for reading all the way to the end. I still have a few more finding faith following fundamentalism post, but I needed to take a break from the heavier topics I have been writing about. What is more vapid and mindless than a wishlist, am I right?! 😉
Over coffee, I recently caught up with a close friend who is still actively involved in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church I used to be a part of. Since I’m no longer a member, we typically avoid discussing church matters, but during our coffee outing she shared some details about things happening at the church. Despite no longer attending, yet having been a member for the majority of my life, I still have a solid understanding of how things operate within that community.
As we spoke, what stood out to me was the apparent ongoing absence of external oversight in the pastor’s decision-making processes. Despite past issues, it seems the pastor, often considered the ultimate authority in IFB churches, operates without the checks and balances that external oversight could provide.
My friend reluctantly pointed out situations where the pastor unilaterally made significant decisions impacting the entire church community. Regardless of whether these decisions were advantageous or not for the community, the absence of external scrutiny raises concerns. While the pastor’s actions may have been well-intentioned, they emphasized the potential risks associated with a leadership structure lacking accountability.
Even after our coffee date had concluded, our conversation lingered in my mind. This led me to reflect on the possible long-term consequences of unchecked authority in high-demand religious environments, such as the IFB. As I reflected on this, it emphasizes the importance of external oversight in religious communities. Decisions should be transparent, with collective input, and a commitment to the well-being of the entire congregation.
The absence of external oversight means that there’s limited scrutiny on the actions and decisions of the pastor. While trust is an essential aspect of any religious community, the potential for misuse of power or ethical lapses increases when there’s no mechanism for accountability.
External oversight, whether through denominational structures, advisory boards, communal meetings and voting, or other forms of checks, is a crucial safeguard against potential abuses. It ensures that leaders are held accountable for their actions, encouraging transparency, and preventing the concentration of power in a way that could be detrimental to the well-being of the community.(Regrettably, some pastors choose to be surrounded by “yes men” who agree with them unquestioningly.)
In the specific context of the IFB community, the pastor’s role is intriguing. Adhering to their Baptist distinctives and independent bylaws, it’s important to note that, in most cases, the pastor is technically classified as an employee of the church. Despite this formal classification aligned with typical employer-employee dynamics, practical application often deviates. The pastor, often revered as “the man of God,” enjoys elevated status and significant autonomy within the church hierarchy, surpassing the formal employment relationship.
This discrepancy between formal structure and perceived spiritual authority can pose challenges.
Congregants may hesitate to assert their rights as employers, fearing it contradicts the reverence owed to the pastor’s spiritual role. The complex interplay between employment dynamics and spiritual authority underscores the need for clarity in governance structures within religious communities to ensure balanced and accountable leadership. Unfortunately, this imbalance in IFB communities, where the pastor holds a revered spiritual position while technically being an employee, can create a delicate balance that, in some instances, leads to an abuse of power.
The inherent spiritual authority attributed to the pastor can open avenues for manipulation and exploitation. This spiritual hierarchy often overshadows the formal employment relationship, potentially enabling instances of abuse against church members. The blurred lines between the pastor’s role as an employee and a spiritual leader may contribute to an environment where abusive conduct can persist without appropriate scrutiny.
While it may seem that I am coming off as critical of IFB pastors, it is essential to acknowledge that within the IFB framework, not every pastor exploits the power dynamic. Many pastors, including my own brother in law as well as the pastor that led the church I was a part of as a child and young adult, driven by integrity and grace, genuinely prioritize the well-being of their congregants. They use their spiritual authority responsibly, and encourage environments of support, care, and spiritual growth.
However, the inherent imbalance in the power structure can be manipulated by individuals with less honorable intentions. Some pastors might leverage their revered position to their advantage, creating a situation where dissent or questioning is discouraged. This misuse of authority can lead to instances of manipulation and, in extreme cases, abuse. (**For resources to seek help for abuse, please click HERE or refer to the link below.**)
The diversity of pastors within IFB communities underscores the critical need for discernment and robust accountability mechanisms. While many lead with sincerity and a genuine desire to serve, the potential for misuse of power underscores the necessity of checks and balances. Establishing clear guidelines, encouraging open dialogue, and encouraging a culture of accountability can help ensure that the spiritual leadership remains a force for good within these communities.
If you have been following along with me while I have been writing about finding faith following fundamentalism, you know that I have been reading the Bible for myself and trying to understand what it is truly saying and not just the cherry picked version that I have been taught my entire life. Many pastors often invoke various verses to justify their operating without oversight or being questioned. (Full King James Versionverses below for reference)
Members of the IFB often turn to Hebrews 13:17 as a key verse supporting their stance that pastors should not be questioned. “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves:” Many in the IFB interpret it as a divine mandate for unquestioning obedience to pastors, viewing them as appointed by God and beyond reproach. This verse has a second half that is often ignored: “for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”
While encouraging believers to have confidence in and submit to their spiritual leaders, it also emphasizes that these leaders bear the responsibility of watching over the spiritual well-being of the congregation and will be held accountable for their leadership. They should be held accountable for their leadership. The instruction to submit is given with the intention that the leaders’ work should be a source of joy rather than a burden for both the leaders and the congregation.
On numerous occasions and from various pastors, I’ve personally heard some variation of the phrase “If you don’t like it, there’s the door; see yourself out.”
Similarly, 1 Timothy 5:19 is cited by IFB pastors to discourage questioning of pastors, asserting that accusations against elders should only be accepted with multiple witnesses. This verse is part of a larger passage in 1 Timothy 5 that deals with the qualifications and responsibilities of elders. The passage emphasizes the importance of elders being men of good character who are capable of leading the church. Verse 19 specifically addresses the issue of how to deal with accusations against elders.
This means that, elders can be assured that any allegations will undergo thorough scrutiny, reinforcing the biblical principles of fairness and integrity within the leadership structure of the Christian community.It does not however mean that the pastor/elders cannot be questioned or held accountable for their actions.
The principle of multiple witnesses is not unique to 1 Timothy 5:19. It is also found in other parts of the Bible, such as Deuteronomy 19:15 and Matthew 18:16. These passages all emphasize the importance of having corroborating evidence to support an accusation.
The interpretation of 1 Corinthians 12:28, which suggests the ordination of pastors as teachers and leaders in the church, is in harmony with the beliefs of many Christian traditions, including the IFB, that attribute a significant role to pastors in teaching and guiding the congregation. This verse forms part of a broader discourse in 1 Corinthians addressing the diverse spiritual gifts present within the body of believers.
In the context of our ongoing discussion, it’s essential to highlight that, while this verse underscores the roles of teachers and leaders, it doesn’t imply an absolute absence of accountability or room for questioning. Different Christian denominations and individuals may interpret the roles of pastors and the extent of their authority in various ways. Interpretations may vary among individuals and congregations within the broader IFB community as well.
In the IFB context, the emphasis on respecting pastors for their position and authority, coupled with interpretations of verses like Hebrews 13:17 and 1 Timothy 5:19, can sometimes contribute to a culture where questioning or holding pastors accountable is discouraged.
Let’s move on to other passages in the Bible that shed light on the principles of Christian leadership. In 1 Peter 5:1-4, elders are encouraged to shepherd the flock willingly and by example, with the promise of a “crown of glory” when the Chief Shepherd appears. Paul’s instruction to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:16 emphasizes the importance of personal integrity in leadership, linking it to the salvation of both the leader and those who follow.
1 Thessalonians 2:7-12 depicts Paul and his companions as gentle and caring leaders, making a comparison to both a nursing mother and a father. They are characterized by love and diligence, working hard for the Thessalonians and encouraging them as a father would his children. In John 10:11, Jesus identifies Himself as the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep, reinforcing the idea of leaders being willing to make personal sacrifices for the well-being of their followers.
Lastly, 1 Timothy 5:17 calls for the honoring of elders who lead well, especially those dedicated to the labor of the word and doctrine. These verses collectively emphasize various qualities of Christian leadership, including humility, sacrificial love, diligence, and dedication to sound doctrine. While they stress the importance of respecting and honoring leaders, they also underscore the reciprocal responsibility of leaders to uphold certain standards. 1 Timothy 5:17 specifically advocates for the honoring of elders who excel in their leadership roles, especially those who are committed to the diligent work of preaching the Word and upholding sound doctrine.
These verses collectively paint a comprehensive picture of Christian leadership that extends beyond authority to encompass qualities such as humility, sacrificial love, and dedication to the foundational principles of faith. It’s a reminder that leadership within the Christian community should be characterized by service, integrity, and a commitment to the spiritual well-being of the congregation.
I know this might seem like a lot already, but stick with me…
While I am by no means an expert in this area, I have spent the better part of my life in a high demand/control religion as part of the IFB. One noteworthy observation pertains to the IFB’s tendency to portray pastors as beyond questioning, a practice often rooted in the interpretation of verses such as Hebrews 13:17. This approach creates an environment that may attract people with a love of wielding power. The theological stance adopted establishes an almost untouchable authority for pastors, actively discouraging dissent and framing any challenge to their leadership as a transgression against God.
The absence of robust accountability mechanisms, evident in the interpretation of verses like 1 Timothy 5:19, further cements the pastor’s position, rendering the IFB structure particularly appealing to those desiring unchecked control.
There is a strong correlation between seeking unchallenged control and issues of pride. The desire for unchallenged control often stems from a sense of superiority, an inflated view of one’s capabilities, and a reluctance to entertain dissenting opinions. Pride can lead one to believe that their authority is unquestionable, creating and encouraging an environment where challenges are seen as threats rather than opportunities for growth.
Proverbs 16:18, 1 Timothy 3:6, James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5-6, and Philippians 2:3-4, consistently caution against pride and highlight the virtues of humility. Those who seek unchallenged control may disregard these principles, potentially leading to destructive consequences both for themselves and those under their influence. Recognizing the dangers of pride and promoting humility within religious leadership can contribute to a healthier and more spiritually grounded community.
The Bible emphasizes the importance of humility and warns against the dangers of pride. Proverbs 16:18 succinctly declares that pride precedes destruction, underlining the destructive nature of arrogance. In 1 Timothy 3:6, there’s a caution against promoting inexperienced people into positions of authority, as unchecked pride can lead to condemnation.
James 4:6 reinforces the theme by stating that God opposes the proud but extends grace to the humble. This sets a clear contrast between the consequences of pride and the benefits of humility. The passage in 1 Peter 5:5-6 encourages mutual submission and humility, with the promise that those who humble themselves will be exalted in due time.
Philippians 2:3-4 further underscores the call to humility, urging believers to prioritize others over themselves and to avoid selfish pursuits. These verses collectively provide a biblical foundation for humility, discouraging pride, and promoting a culture of mutual submission and consideration within religious communities. Applying these principles can contribute to a healthier and more balanced approach to leadership, countering the potential pitfalls associated with unchecked authority and a love for power.
Why, then, is there a reluctance to add oversight or question the pastor?
The reluctance to add oversight or question the pastor may stem from a fear of potential consequences, both spiritual and social. Congregants may be hesitant due to a cultural expectation of unquestioning trust in the pastor’s spiritual authority. Concerns may arise about potential backlash or negative perceptions within the community for challenging the pastor’s decisions or actions. Additionally, the blurred lines between the pastor’s spiritual and authoritative roles can contribute to this reluctance, as questioning may be perceived not only as a challenge to leadership but also as a critique of the spiritual guidance provided by the pastor.
This apprehension reveals a troubling misuse of authority, creating a culture of silence and impeding open dialogue and accountability within the community. (I personally witnessed those who voiced their opinions facing repercussions.)
Leaders, including pastors, should ideally welcome questions and concerns as opportunities for growth and reflection. Turning the congregation against those who question can create a toxic environment, eroding trust and hindering the spiritual well-being and growth of the community.
Grounded in biblical principles that underscore humility, mutual respect, and accountability, a pastor’s role should extend to encouraging an environment where questions are embraced, concerns are addressed, and the congregation can partake in open and constructive dialogue. It becomes paramount for members within the congregation to critically assess such situations, evaluating whether the actions align with the Christian leadership principles outlined in the Bible.
This alignment involves embodying servant leadership characterized by humility, love, and integrity (Philippians 2:3-4, John 13:34-35). Leaders are called to seek divine wisdom, uphold sound doctrine, and work diligently, all while remaining open to correction and actively empowering others for service (James 1:5, 2 Timothy 4:2-3, Colossians 3:23, Proverbs 15:32, Ephesians 4:11-12).
Effectively addressing the issues inherent in IFB practices necessitates a deliberate and considerate approach. To begin with, there’s a crucial need for open dialogue within IFB communities concerning the interpretation and application of verses like Hebrews 13:17. Cultivating a culture that prizes transparency, accountability, and constructive questioning becomes instrumental in mitigating the potential for abuses of power.
Implementing clear accountability mechanisms and nurturing an environment that values the input and concerns of the congregation are pivotal steps. Equipping members with education about healthy leadership models and the potential pitfalls of unchecked authority can also contribute to shaping a more balanced and accountable religious community. In essence, promoting a culture characterized by humility, open communication, and shared responsibility stands as a transformative force in reshaping the dynamics within IFB churches. (see below for helpful resources)
**If you or someone you know is experiencing physical or sexual abuse, please reach out for help. There are organizations and helplines dedicated to providing support, guidance, and resources to those in need. No one should have to endure abuse, and seeking assistance is a crucial step towards safety and healing. Click HERE for a list of helpful resources I have put together.**
King James Version verses mentioned for reference:
Hebrews 13:17 :“Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.” 1 Timothy 5:19 : “Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.” Deuteronomy 19:15One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established. Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 1 Corinthians 12:28 “And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues.” 1 Peter 5:1-4 :“The elders which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed: Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away.” 1 Timothy 4:16:“Take heed unto thyself, and unto the doctrine; continue in them: for in doing this thou shalt both save thyself, and them that hear thee.” 1 Thessalonians 2:7-12 “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God. Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.” John 10:11:“I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.” 1 Timothy 5:17:”Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine.” Proverbs 16:18: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” 1 Timothy 3:6: “Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.” James 4:6: “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” 1 Peter 5:5-6: “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.” Philippians 2:3-4: “Do nothing out of vain glory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” Philippians 2:3-4:“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.” John 13:34-35:“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” James 1:5:“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.” 2 Timothy 4:2-3:“Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears.” Colossians 3:23:“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.” Proverbs 15:32:“He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul, but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.” Ephesians 4:11-12:“And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ.”
Resources (I am not promoting or condoning any of these authors, I don’t know anything about them personally, I am only speaking to the works presented)
When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse by Chuck DeGroat This book explores the issue of narcissism in the church. DeGroat, a counselor who has worked with many victims of narcissistic abuse, argues that narcissism is a growing problem in the church, and that it can have a devastating impact on individuals and communities. 10/10 recommend!
Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church by Michael J. Kruger (2020) Kruger carefully outlines the biblical basis for confronting spiritual abuse. He argues that the New Testament teaches that all Christians are equal before God and that no one has the right to lord their authority over others. He also emphasizes the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation, but only after the abuser has acknowledged their sin and taken steps to repent.
Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church by Diane Langberg (2019) Langberg contends that the IFB’s hierarchical structure, coupled with their reverence for pastoral authority, can foster a culture of silence and enablement, making it difficult for victims to come forward and seek justice. She highlights the devastating impact of abuse on individuals, families, and the church as a whole, emphasizing the need for a comprehensive approach to prevention and healing.
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk (2014) Van der Kolk challenges the traditional view of trauma as a psychological disorder, arguing instead that it is a physiological condition with far-reaching consequences. He explains how trauma can disrupt the body’s natural stress response system, leading to hypervigilance, flashbacks, and emotional numbness. He also discusses the impact of trauma on the nervous system, explaining how it can lead to chronic pain, fatigue, and sleep disturbances.
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Disclaimer:The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal experiences and perspective. I am not an expert, but I was part of a high demand community for the majority of my life. I want to acknowledge that I am on a continuous journey of growth and self-improvement. I am aware that I don’t always respond or behave in the perfect way, as I am only human. IFB pastors are also human and make mistakes, they should be held responsible for the way they treat people. I hold firm to the belief that treating people with kindness and respect is of utmost importance. While I may stumble along the way, my intention is always rooted in creating positive interactions and demonstrating consideration for others. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving path, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter.
During this season of gratitude, I want to take a moment to express my heartfelt thanks for the incredible people in my life! I have so much to be thankful for!
As we gather with loved ones to celebrate Thanksgiving, I am reminded of the importance of connection and the blessings that come with it.May your Thanksgiving be filled with warmth, laughter, and the simple joys that make life truly special.
Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving surrounded by love, happiness, and delicious food!
Every year, I look forward to Thanksgiving dinner, and it’s not just about the turkey or mashed potatoes. Even though the pies and desserts are a treat, what I eagerly look forward to eating the most is this amazing Sweet Potato Casserole! Its irresistible flavor makes Thanksgiving truly memorable. I’ve mentioned this before, but as it continues to be my top pick, I can’t resist sharing this recipe once again today. I’ll be daydreaming about this delightful dish all night!
Ingredients
4 cups sweet potato, cubed
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup chopped pecans
Directions
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Put sweet potatoes in a medium saucepan with water to cover. Cook over medium-high heat until tender; drain and mash. (or use canned yams and skip this step altogether.)
In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potatoes, white sugar, eggs, cinnamon, salt, butter, milk and vanilla extract. Mix until smooth. Transfer to a 9×13 inch baking dish.
In a medium bowl, mix the brown sugar and flour. Cut in the butter until the mixture is coarse. Stir in the pecans. Sprinkle the mixture over the sweet potato mixture.
Bake in the preheated oven 30 minutes, or until the topping is lightly brown.
If you try it, please let me know! I have a feeling that you will love it too!
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Looking Joli Good 
