You might have noticed that I’ve been adding disclaimers to many of my recent posts. Maybe you’re wondering why I’m doing this? Well, let me explain…
The simple explanation: as I write my posts, I often feel the need to include disclaimers. I believe this stems from my upbringing in a culture that heavily emphasizes black and white thinking. So, whenever I express my opinions or share my experiences, I can’t help but feel the pressure to add disclaimers, fearing that my words might be misunderstood or judged harshly.
The longer explanation: In the past, I used to try and soften my statements or preface them with caveats, hoping to avoid coming across as too assertive or confrontational. It was a way for me to protect myself from potential criticism or backlash, but it also made me hesitant about expressing my true thoughts and feelings.
Having been in an environment where individuality and diverse perspectives were not openly encouraged also played a significant role. I often felt that having a differing opinion automatically meant I was wrong, rather than something to be discussed or explored. I had internalized the belief that my opinions and experiences need positive validation or justification from others in the group.
However, as I have gained more self-awareness, I’m starting to understand how this pattern impacted my communication style. I have realized that constantly seeking validation has limited my ability to express myself authentically. While it is nice to be validated, it’s essential for me to strike a balance between respecting others’ viewpoints and staying true to my own.
I also believe the use of disclaimers can be a valuable communication tool. They help enhance clarity in my messages, ensuring that my intentions are properly understood by others. By providing context and setting the stage for my thoughts and ideas, disclaimers enable readers to interpret my words in the intended light.
Moreover, adding disclaimers allows me to encourage respectful discussions and welcome diverse perspectives. I hope that it shows that I am open to different viewpoints and willing to engage in constructive conversations. I want to create a place for sharing ideas without fear of judgment or criticism.
Transparency is another aspect that disclaimers offer. By acknowledging any biases or limitations in my understanding, I am trying to build trust and credibility with you, my audience. Disclaimers demonstrate a sense of responsibility in my communication. They show that I am mindful of the potential impact my words may have on others and that I take responsibility for the content I share.
So while this post is basically a disclaimer of in itself, here is a disclaimer for this post:
Disclaimer:As I share my thoughts and opinions, I want to acknowledge that I am constantly growing and learning. My views may evolve over time, and I aim to approach discussions with an open mind and a compassionate attitude towards others. I believe in creating a respectful and understanding environment where diverse perspectives are welcome. Therefore, the ideas expressed here reflect my current understanding, but I am open to gaining new insights and embracing positive change. Though I may not necessarily agree with the opinions of others, I firmly believe that everyone is entitled to their own perspective. I don’t want my words to hurt anyone even if we have differing opinions and views.
Want a little more insight as to why I feel like I need to add disclaimers? Read more about my choice to find a more gracious and loving spiritual environment by clicking HERE
This post will tell you a bit more about how going to church each week gave me anxiety, click HERE to read more.
Maybe you are interested in learning more about the environment where individuality and diverse perspectives were discouraged, click HERE
Abstract/TL;DR: Growing up in a fundamentalist background, I experienced firsthand how it limits critical thinking and embraces a black and white worldview. Nuance and diverse perspectives are discouraged, leading to divisiveness and a lack of empathy. Breaking free from this mindset requires courage and openness to explore complexities and adopt diverse ideas. Letting go of rigid beliefs allows for personal growth and a deeper understanding of the complexity of the world and human experience. Expecting the world to be black and white is an easy way out of thinking that requires little critical thought. Embracing nuance is a continuous process of unlearning and seeking diverse perspectives.
I grew up in a religion full of us vs them. The saved vs the unsaved, Christians vs worldly people. Pro-Life vs Pro-choice. Republicans vs Democrats. Our church versus other denominations. This upbringing in a fundamentalist background showed me firsthand how it rejects any semblance of nuance. The rigid beliefs and dogmas that permeate every aspect of life leave little room for questioning or exploring alternative perspectives. In this environment, the world is viewed through a narrow lens, where everything is distilled into absolutes of right and wrong, good and evil.
Within this framework of thinking, complexity is reduced to simplistic black and white choices, and any shades of gray are dismissed as moral compromises or signs of weakness. Expecting the world to be black and white is a simplistic easy way out of thinking that requires little critical thinking. The fear of straying from the prescribed path, of entertaining doubt or ambiguity, is ingrained deeply.
This lack of nuance has far-reaching consequences. It fosters an “us versus them” mentality, creating an environment of divisiveness and judgment. Dissenting voices or differing beliefs are seen as threats rather than opportunities for introspection and growth. The subtleties of human experience are brushed aside in favor of strict adherence to a predetermined set of beliefs.
Instead of seeking to understand others, there is a tendency to label and dismiss those who hold different viewpoints. This closed-mindedness not only isolates individuals from diverse perspectives but also limits their own understanding of the world.
Breaking free from this black and white thought pattern requires a willingness to challenge deeply ingrained beliefs. It involves recognizing that the world is more nuanced and complex than what was once thought. It means embracing the uncertainty and exploring the shades of gray that exist between the rigid boundaries.
A nuanced perspective recognizes that faith and doctrine can withstand scrutiny. Questioning and seeking understanding strengthen true faith, leading to a deeper, more genuine belief that can endure challenges. Welcoming scrutiny enriches our spiritual foundation rather than weakening it. If faith and doctrine cannot withstand being scrutinized, they need to be reevaluated.
Reclaiming nuance necessitates engaging in self-reflection and actively seeking out diverse perspectives. It involves questioning the narratives that were once unquestionable and being open to the possibility of growth and change. It requires cultivating empathy and compassion, understanding that people’s experiences and journeys differ, and that it is through listening and understanding that true connection can be created.
A move towards accepting nuance may be daunting. It is an ongoing process of unlearning and reevaluating, breaking free from the constraints of extreme terms, and embracing the beauty and complexity of the human experience. Expecting the world to be black and white is a simplistic easy way out of thinking that requires little critical thinking, and it’s essential to challenge ourselves to move beyond this binary mindset and accept the richness of diverse perspectives and ideas.
Disclaimer: The experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. My decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.While I speak from personal experience and perspective, I want to acknowledge that I come from a place of extreme privilege. I understand that I have the means and support to change my situation, which may not be the case for everyone. It is important to recognize that each individual’s circumstances vary, and not everyone has the same resources available to them.
Abstract/TL;DR:It’s important to recognize when relationships are negatively impacting our well-being and to grant ourselves permission to break free. Letting go of toxic relationships creates space for positive energy and personal growth. Prioritizing our own well-being and happiness is not a failure but a courageous act of growth.
In life, we often find ourselves entangled in relationships that have an impact on our well-being. Some connections bring joy, support, and growth, while others can leave us feeling drained, stuck, and even worse about ourselves. It is during these moments that we need to grant ourselves the permission to break free. We need to recognize that we have the power to step away from relationships that are weighing us down, hindering our personal growth, or perpetuating negativity.
I’ve learned the hard way that it’s important to recognize when certain people or groups consistently make me feel worse about myself. It’s during those times that I need to reevaluate where I invest my time and energy.
Letting go can be daunting, even seemingly unattainable at times. But I can say with certainty, based on my own experiences, that while it is undeniably challenging, it is incredibly worth it. When I finally mustered the courage to distance myself from toxic relationships, a weight was lifted off my shoulders!
I realized that I was allowing these negative influences to hold me back, to prevent me from reaching my true potential. By breaking free, I created space in my life for positive energy and growth. It wasn’t easy, and there were moments of doubt and loneliness along the way. But the freedom and self-empowerment I gained far outweighed any temporary discomfort.
I realized that I deserved to be around people who uplifted me, supported my dreams, and made me feel good about myself. Those toxic relationships were like anchors, dragging me down. Letting go allowed me to soar and explore new horizons.
It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness. It’s okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve you. Breaking free is not a failure; it’s a courageous act of self- love, growth and preservation.
So, give yourself permission to break free. Take that first step towards liberation, it will be a hard daunting journey that is worth taking. Embrace the unknown and trust that the journey towards a more fulfilling positive life is worth it.
Break free from chains that hold you tight, Embrace liberation, embrace the light. Give yourself permission to soar and thrive, Release what weighs you down, come alive.
Abstract/TL;DR:Discovering Plato’s Cave was an eye-opening experience for me. The allegory perfectly mirrored my journey of leaving the IFB community. Just like the person leaving the cave, I stepped into the sunlight of new ideas and perspectives, broadening my understanding of the world. Leaving the familiar was challenging but liberating, and it taught me the importance of questioning, seeking knowledge, and being open to change. Embracing this journey has been rewarding and eye-opening.
A few years ago I was having a conversation with someone that I respect, they were explaining to me the philosophical concept called “Plato’s Cave,” and let me tell you, it opened my eyes! You know, sometimes you come across ideas that resonate so deeply with your own experiences, and that’s exactly what happened to me when I heard about it.
Let me break it down for you the way that I understand it… Imagine there’s this group of people living in a dark cave, and they’ve been there their entire lives. The only thing they can see are the shadows dancing on the cave wall, which are actually just reflections of objects outside the cave. They have no knowledge of the real world because they’ve never seen it firsthand. It’s all they know, so they accept the shadows as their reality.
One of these cave people decides to face their fears of what is beyond and leaves the cave. They step into the sunlight and see the world outside for the first time. They’re exposed to the beauty of nature, the vastness of the landscape, and the wonders of the real world. This person’s perception of reality changes completely.
What struck me is how closely this parallels my own journey of leaving the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) community. I was brought up in a highly conservative and sheltered environment, where certain beliefs and practices were unquestionably accepted as truth. I had been living in my own version of the cave, only seeing shadows of what the world could be like.
But life has its way of nudging you towards the truth. For me, it was a gradual process of questioning and seeking knowledge outside of the bubble I was in. I started to read books, explore different perspectives, and engage in conversations with people from diverse backgrounds while keeping an open mind. It was like stepping into the sunlight, my mind opening up to new ideas and concepts.
Just like the person who left the cave, my perception of reality shifted dramatically. I realized that there was so much more to the world than what I had been taught. Leaving the IFB community meant breaking away from the familiar and venturing into the unknown, but it also meant embracing a broader, more inclusive view of the world.
Now, I don’t want to paint an entirely negative picture of my past. The IFB community provided me with a strong sense of community, and I met many kind and well-intentioned people there. However, it became evident that there were limitations to the beliefs and practices I had grown up with.
The concept of Plato’s Cave taught me the importance of questioning, seeking knowledge, and being open to change. It’s not always easy to leave the comfort of our caves, but doing so can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. It’s been an eye-opening experience, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to see the world in a new light.
Disclaimer: The experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. My decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.While I speak from personal experience and perspective, I want to acknowledge that I come from a place of extreme privilege. I understand that I have the means and support to change my situation, which may not be the case for everyone. It is important to recognize that each individual’s circumstances vary, and not everyone has the same resources available to them.
Abstract/TL;DR:Power dynamics in churches can influence interactions and decisions within the community. When power is misused, it can lead to negative actions and behaviors, including spiritual manipulation and abuse. Victims may hesitate to speak out due to fear and the culture of secrecy within the church. Recognizing and addressing power dynamics, manipulation, and abuse is essential for creating safe and supportive church communities that prioritize the well-being of all members. Restoring the true values and teachings of love and respect is crucial for healing and justice.
*Please note the disclaimer below
Content Warning: I may not cover all of these things in detail, you might feel triggered by the content of this post. CW: religious trauma, spiritual abuse, physical abuse, SA, guilt and shame, emotional manipulation, loss of community, and fear of rejection
Whether we are discussing the Catholic church, Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill, Bill Gothard and the ILBP, the Southern Baptist Convention, or any one of the several Hillsong church scandals, or, in my experience, within the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) religious institution, it is unfortunate that the subject of church leaders abusing their congregants has become so prevalent in the news.
Let’s start by talking about what power dynamics mean: Power dynamics determine who has power and control in relationships and social settings. Understanding them helps us see how power affects interactions and decisions. It shows how power can be used positively or negatively and its impact on individuals and communities.
In a church, power dynamics also involve spiritual control and authority. Leaders like pastors or priests hold significant power, making important decisions and guiding the church. Other influential people within the church community may include board members, deacons, elders, and Sunday school teachers. Power distribution can vary among churches, with some emphasizing equal sharing of power among members and others having a more centralized power structure.
Power dynamics in churches can be complex and complicated. While not all churches operate in the same way, I can share from my personal experience that power dynamics within a churches can sometimes lead to negative actions and behaviors, especially when combined with spiritual manipulation. This occurs when individuals in positions of authority misuse their power to control or exploit others. They may manipulate religious beliefs, practices, or teachings to influence people’s thoughts, actions, or emotions for their own benefit.
This behavior is deeply concerning because it not only affects people’s emotional well-being but also undermines the trust we place in the church, and the very foundation of our faith and belief system. When power is misused in this way, it can create confusion, guilt, and even lead to the loss of faith for some individuals.
In some cases, power dynamics within the church can discourage questioning or challenging authority, creating an environment where abusive behavior can occur. Perpetrators may exploit their position of authority to exert control over others, enabling them to engage in abusive actions. Victims often hesitate to speak out or report the abuse due to fears of potential consequences, such as social exclusion or disbelief. This fear-induced silence allows the abusers to continue their harmful behavior without facing accountability.
The power imbalance exacerbates the potential for abuse, as victims may feel intimidated or believe it is inappropriate to question those in positions of power. Abusers may distort or misuse religious teachings to justify their abusive actions or manipulate victims into compliance. They might manipulate religious beliefs, such as emphasizing forgiveness or submission, to silence victims or discourage them from seeking help.
Power imbalances can lead to a culture of secrecy and protection within the church. Leaders or community members might prioritize maintaining the reputation of the church or protecting the abuser over the well-being and safety of victims. This can prevent the disclosure of abuse and hinder the process of seeking justice.
Though it is important to note that not all religious leaders are abusers, the actions of those who engage in abusive behavior can unfortunately tarnish the reputation of the entire community.
In my experience within IFB religious institutions, I have witnessed how power dynamics can have detrimental effects. Within the church hierarchy, certain individuals hold positions of authority and control, which can lead to a misuse of power. This manipulation can result in hurt and harm to those within the community. For instance, I have seen church leaders use their authority to silence dissenting voices, discourage critical thinking, and enforce strict legalistic adherence to their interpretations of doctrine. This not only stifles individual autonomy but also creates an environment where questioning or expressing concerns is discouraged. As a result, manipulation and hurt can thrive, leaving many feeling marginalized and voiceless within the community they once trusted.
One significant issue I’ve observed is the breach of confidentiality within trusted counseling relationships. It is disheartening to witness people who are sought for guidance and support betray the trust placed in them by sharing confidential information. This breach of confidentiality not only undermines the sense of safety and privacy that should accompany counseling, but also leads to a breakdown in trust within the community. Such actions further perpetuate a cycle of manipulation, hurt, and a reluctance to seek help when it is truly needed. It is imperative that religious institutions emphasize and uphold the ethical standards of confidentiality, ensuring that individuals can confide in trusted counselors and leaders without fear of their personal struggles being divulged to others.
Recognizing and addressing power dynamics, spiritual manipulation, and abuse within religious institutions is crucial for fostering healthy, inclusive, and supportive communities. We need to create places where everyone feels safe to talk about their concerns and hold leaders responsible, and prioritize the well-being and integrity of everyone in the church community.
We should always focus on taking care of each other and treating everyone with respect. By shining a light on these problems, we can work towards healing, justice, and a restoration of the true values and teachings that are supposed to guide us, such as the greatest commandment to love God and love others as ourselves.
If you or someone you know is experiencing physical or sexual abuse, please reach out for help. There are organizations and helplines dedicated to providing support, guidance, and resources to those in need. No one should have to endure abuse, and seeking assistance is a crucial step towards safety and healing.
Here are a few of the most well-known organizations and helplines:
The National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) 800.799.SAFE (7233)
Childhelp USA (Childhelp): 1-800-422-4453
The National Human Trafficking Hotline (NHTH): 1-888-373-7888
The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC): 1-800-THE-LOST (843-5678)
If you have access to a SAFE computer:
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) https://www.thehotline.org/ provides information and resources on domestic violence, including a state-by-state directory of domestic violence organizations.
Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely. If you’re concerned your internet usage might be monitored, call them at 800.799.SAFE (7233). Learn more about digital security and remember to clear your browser history after visiting their website.
The National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC) provides information and resources on a variety of crime victim issues, including physical and sexual abuse. https://victimsofcrime.org/
The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) https://www.rainn.org/ also has a number of online resources, including a chat hotline, a library of information, and a blog.
These are just a few of the many organizations and helplines that can provide support to victims of physical and sexual abuse.
In addition to these organizations, there are also many local resources available. You can contact your local police department, hospital, or mental health clinic for more information. If you have access to a safe computer you can also search online for “domestic violence resources” or “sexual assault resources” in your area.
You are not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help. Please reach out for help if you are being abused.
Disclaimer: The experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. My decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.While I speak from personal experience and perspective, I want to acknowledge that I come from a place of extreme privilege. I understand that I have the means and support to change my situation, which may not be the case for everyone. It is important to recognize that each individual’s circumstances vary, and not everyone has the same resources available to them.
Abstract/TL;DR:I believe there is no limit to asking questions, as curiosity fuels growth and understanding. In the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) community, questioning was discouraged, often met with appeals to blind faith. This environment hindered intellectual growth and limited different perspectives. Some leaders positioned themselves as unquestionable authorities, dismissing inquiries. Challenging these patterns and embracing a culture of inquiry is vital for personal and societal advancement. Asking questions demonstrates a thirst for knowledge and contributes to personal growth and collective progress.
After a twenty-year break, I recently returned to graduate school, and I’ve found that my curiosity and desire to learn have only grown stronger over the years. Throughout my studies, I consistently have follow-up questions and actively seek clarifying answers. I believe that questioning is vital for personal growth and a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
While those who are in class with me may disagree, I firmly believe that there is no such thing as asking too many questions. Curiosity and inquiry are essential for growth, learning, and understanding. When we question, we challenge the norm, expand our knowledge, and gain new perspectives.
If someone tells you to stop questioning or discourages your curiosity, it is even more important to challenge that notion. Suppressing questions can hinder critical thinking and progress. It is through questioning that we uncover hidden truths, discover innovative solutions, and challenge outdated beliefs.
During my time in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) community, I experienced firsthand the discouragement of questioning. When I sought answers or raised thought-provoking inquiries, I often encountered responses that dismissed my concerns by simply urging blind faith. Instead of engaging in critical conversations or providing meaningful explanations, the emphasis by the leadership was placed on suppressing doubts and accepting doctrine without question. I was told to, “Pray about it.” or “Just have faith.” Both are important concepts, but they cannot stand in the place of finding answers through critical thinking.
This oppressive environment prevented intellectual growth and hindered the exploration of different perspectives. It was a reminder of the importance of challenging such responses and advocating for open dialogue, where questions are embraced rather than silenced, and faith can be accompanied by a deeper understanding. If your faith and doctrine cannot withstand scrutiny, then it might be worth reconsidering the foundation upon which they stand. True faith is strengthened by questioning and seeking understanding, not by suppressing doubts or avoiding critical examination. Embracing scrutiny can lead to a deeper, more genuine faith that stands firm even in the face of challenges.
I also observed in the IFB community a pattern where leaders positioned themselves as authorities who possessed all the answers, discouraging any form of questioning. It was disheartening to witness their reluctance to engage in meaningful dialogue and their insistence on maintaining an unquestionable stance. What struck me particularly was when a young man, barely out of college at the age of 23, was hired and entrusted with providing advice to individuals much older and more experienced. (This is not an uncommon practice in IBF communities all around the country, and even the world) The lack of life experience was evident, yet he assumed a position of authority without room for questions or dissent. This dynamic highlighted the importance of critical thinking and the necessity to challenge leadership when their expertise and life experiences may be limited or incomplete.
When faced with resistance to questions, it becomes necessary to push further and seek answers. It is an opportunity to challenge assumptions, spark meaningful discussions, and create a culture of intellectual curiosity. Embracing a mindset of relentless inquiry allows us to challenge the norm, break barriers, and make positive advancements in various aspects of life. Never be afraid to ask questions, even when faced with resistance. Challenge those who discourage inquiry and embrace the power of curiosity. By doing so, you contribute to your own personal growth and the advancement of society as a whole.
Asking questions is not a sign of weakness or ignorance; rather, it demonstrates a thirst for knowledge and a desire for deeper understanding. By encouraging a free exchange of ideas and a willingness to explore the unknown, we can create an environment where innovation thrives and progress flourishes.
Disclaimer:While I have discussed experiences within the IFB community, it is important to note that not all leaders encountered in this context were adverse to questions. I recognize that there are diverse individuals and leadership styles within any community or organization, including the IFB. It is possible to encounter leaders who are open to dialogue, value critical thinking, and encourage questioning. The reflections shared are based on personal experiences and observations, and they may not reflect the entirety of the IFB or the experiences of others within the community. It is essential to approach any generalizations with an open mind and to engage in respectful and nuanced conversations when discussing specific leaders and contexts.
Abstract/TL;DR:Leaving the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement not only changed my beliefs but also transformed my thought process. It broadened my perspective, encouraged critical thinking, and fostered empathy and intellectual humility. It liberated me from rigid doctrine and allowed me to engage with diverse viewpoints. It was a journey of growth and discovery that continues to shape the way I think.
Leaving the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) movement wasn’t simply a change in my beliefs; it transformed the very way I think. Growing up in the IFB, my worldview was shaped by its teachings, doctrines, and practices. But as I ventured beyond those familiar boundaries, my perspective broadened, and new avenues of understanding opened up.
The choice to distance myself from the IFB challenged me to question everything I had been taught. It required me to critically examine my beliefs, scrutinize their origins, and evaluate them in light of new information and perspectives. It was a process of intellectual liberation, breaking free from the confines of rigid doctrine and embracing a more nuanced, thoughtful approach to faith and life.
No longer bound by a narrow set of prescribed ideas, I began to explore diverse viewpoints and engage with different theological, philosophical, and social perspectives. It was liberating to realize that I could think for myself, weigh evidence, consider different interpretations, and arrive at my own conclusions. Did this happen overnight? Not at all! I has been a slow and purposeful process.
Leaving the IFB not only broadened my intellectual horizons, but it also increased my compassion. I discovered the value of listening to others, understanding their experiences, and appreciating the diversity of human thought and belief. It enabled me to engage in meaningful dialogue, seek common ground, and embrace a more inclusive and accepting mindset.
Leaving the IFB created a sense of intellectual humility. It taught me that certainty is not always attainable and that honest questioning and wrestling with complex issues is a natural part of growth and understanding. I learned to be willing to reassess and adapt as new insights emerge.
In the end, leaving the IFB wasn’t just a shift in doctrine; it has been a transformation of my entire thought process. It liberated me from the constraints of narrow-mindedness, encouraged me to explore new ideas, and cultivated a greater appreciation for intellectual curiosity and empathy. It has been a journey of growth and introspection—a journey that continues to shape and reshape the way I think and engage with the world around me.
Abstract/TL;DR:The Bible advises not to be anxious, but some churches impose strict rules causing anxiety. This can create a conflict between preached messages and expectations, leading to guilt and constant anxiety. Leaving that type of a church can be liberating, allowing for a more authentic and compassionate approach to spirituality. It’s essential to find a spiritual space that nurtures your soul without unnecessary anxiety, trusting yourself to make the right choices for your well-being. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and your peace of mind matters.
The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:6-7: Let not your heart be troubled, and God’s word tells us to be anxious for nothing. However, the church piles on a list of legalistic standards that cause fear and anxiety. How can these two conflicting messages be correct?!
When I was part of my previous church community, it was quite challenging for me, because they often preached about not being anxious and trusting in faith. However, at the same time, they had strict rules and legalistic standards that created a constant state of anxiety within me. It felt like I was always walking on eggshells, worried that I might not measure up to their expectations.
It’s like they were telling us not to worry, yet their actions and requirements seemed to contradict that message. This mismatch between what was preached and what was expected created an internal conflict, making it even harder to find peace of mind.
As a result, I found myself in this constant cycle of feeling guilty and anxious if I couldn’t live up to their ideals. It was exhausting and emotionally draining, and I felt like I was set up to fail at every turn.
I’ve always believed that the church should be a supportive and understanding community, but I’ve encountered situations where judgment and lack of empathy prevailed. It’s discouraging when you desire acceptance and find yourself dealing with anxiety instead.
Every Saturday evening, the anticipatory anxiety would slowly creep its way into my thoughts and emotions. I’d sense my chest tightening, the urge to fidget, and micromanage, unfortunately, that tension would manifest in me being short and unkind to my family. As I began to prepare for the Sunday morning church services, the stress would intensify, and I could feel my shoulders tensing up, rising towards my ears.
The anticipatory anxiety felt suffocating, like an overwhelming weight on my chest. I found myself striving for perfection, knowing that judgment and scrutiny awaited me. It was as if every step I took was under a microscope, and the fear of not meeting expectations intensified the pressure even more. It seemed as though certain people wanted me to fail, almost as if they were eagerly waiting to hold me accountable for any misstep.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, leaving the church was a tough decision, but it was liberating too. It allowed me to break free from those suffocating standards and embrace a more authentic and compassionate approach to life and spirituality. I realized that true faith and spirituality should be about love, understanding, and acceptance, not fear and anxiety.
Since then, I’ve found a new sense of peace and contentment. I’ve discovered spiritual practices that resonate with me personally and align with my values. I’ve made a conscious choice to surround myself only with people who genuinely want the best for me and cheer on my success. It’s incredible how this decision has lifted the heavy burden of anxiety from my shoulders. I’ve learned to trust myself and follow my instincts. If something is causing me significant anxiety, I now understand the importance of reevaluating my involvement and making choices that prioritize my mental well-being.
Making the decision to leave that judgmental church community behind is something I’ll always be thankful for. It was an important choice, and I’m grateful I had the courage to make that change.
If you’re experiencing a similar situation, know that you’re not alone. It’s ok to question and challenge the status quo, especially if it’s causing you unnecessary anxiety. Take the time to explore what truly brings you peace and comfort, and don’t be afraid to make changes that will lead you to a healthier and happier path.
Remind yourself that it’s ok to take a break. Stepping away from the source of anxiety, even for a few minutes, (…or forever) can be extremely restorative.
Your well-being matters above all else. Trust yourself, and surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. You deserve to find a spiritual space that nurtures your soul without the burden of constant anxiety.
Be kind to yourself, and trust that you’ll find the way that’s right for you.
Disclaimer: The experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. My decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.While I speak from personal experience and perspective, I want to acknowledge that I come from a place of extreme privilege. I understand that I have the means and support to change my situation, which may not be the case for everyone. It is important to recognize that each individual’s circumstances vary, and not everyone has the same resources available to them.
Abstract/TL;DR:Leaving the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church was a difficult decision that involved letting go of familiar traditions and facing rejection. However, it was driven by a desire to seek truth, question inconsistencies, and find a more genuine and compassionate path. Leaving was not about wanting to sin but about embracing critical thinking and a more inclusive worldview. It has been a transformative experience that has allowed for personal growth and a deeper understanding of a loving and compassionate relationship with God.
As I have previously written, I have recently made a major change in my life by choosing to leave the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church. It was not a decision that was made lightly. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. Leaving the IFB was not an easy process. It meant letting go of familiar traditions, potentially facing rejection from friends and family, and rebuilding my identity outside of the confines of the church. But through it all, I remain committed to seeking truth and living a life based on my own values and convictions.
Growing up in the IFB, I was taught that people who left “the faith,” meaning the IFB’s way of believing, did so because they wanted to be able to sin. Although, as I grew older, I started to question some of the teachings and practices that seemed contradictory or inconsistent. I began to see the gaps in their logic and the harmful consequences of their rigid beliefs and doctrines.When I made the tough choice to leave the IFB, I didn’t leave because I wanted to indulge in sinful behavior. That was never my motivation. Instead, I made the difficult decision to walk away because I came to recognize the deep flaws in their theology and ideology.
Leaving the IFB was not about seeking an excuse to sin, but rather about finding a more genuine and intellectually honest path where I could think critically, question assumptions, and embrace a more compassionate and open-minded approach to life. Since leaving, I have found a newfound freedom in my faith. I have embraced a more inclusive and compassionate worldview that allows me to connect with others in a loving and kind way.
Ultimately, I believe that my relationship with God is deeply personal. While the church and its teachings played an influential role in shaping my faith, I must also critically discern my understanding of God’s love from what I read in the Bible for myself. Embracing the idea of an ever-loving and compassionate God allows me to reconcile the conflicting messages and find a path that nurtures my spiritual growth and aligns with my understanding of a loving and gracious divine presence.
To those who criticize my choice and claim that I left because I wanted freedom to indulge in sin, I confidently respond that, yes, my decision was about freedom, the freedom to choose a relationship with God rooted in love, separate from the church.
Romans 8:38-39: “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
In the depths of darkness, I once dwelled, Bound by chains, within a confining cell. A grip tightened, suffocating my soul, As I longed for freedom, to reclaim control.
But then came a moment, a flicker of light, A stirring within, a courageous flight. I broke free from the shackles that held me tight, Embracing a path bathed in truth and insight.
Leaving, a bittersweet release, Aching wounds healed, finding inner peace. The weight upon my shoulders, no longer there, I breathed in liberation, with new air.
The relief that flooded my tired heart, As I embraced the world, ready to restart. No longer defined by the rigid mold, I discovered a beauty that could not be sold.
No longer confined by a limited view, I found my own voice, my spirit renewed. I drank from the cup of authenticity, Embracing the truth of my own identity.
Encourage your weary soul, Break free from the chains, embrace the whole. Find peace in freedom, in truth’s embrace, And bask in the lightness, in boundless grace.
Looking Joli Good 