Abstract/TL;DR:After leaving my former church, I attended my niece’s baptism there. Returning brought up mixed emotions and feelings of anxiety and unsafety. While it was a bittersweet experience, it reinforced that my decision to leave was the correct choice.

After leaving my former church, I found myself facing an emotional challenge when I decided whether or not to attend my niece’s baptism there. I had trepidation about going back, knowing that it could stir up memories and emotions I had worked hard to put behind me. But family is important, and I wanted to be there for my sister and my niece on her special day.

As I walked through the doors of the church, memories flooded back, and I felt a mix of emotions. Seeing familiar faces and hearing familiar hymns brought both comfort and unease. It was like revisiting a place I used to call home, but now it felt foreign.

During the service, I felt a sense of disconnection. The familiar beliefs and teachings that once shaped my worldview now felt distant and unfamiliar. I had grown and evolved, and the church’s ideology no longer aligned with my own.

As the baptism proceeded, I couldn’t help but feel anxious and unsafe. The atmosphere felt stifling, and I was acutely aware of the judgments and expectations that used to surround me. It was a strange sensation to be back in a place so familiar, yet so alien.

After the service, I spoke with many old friends, many asked where I had been and if I would be returning. Due to the business of various ministries, many people hadn’t even noticed I had been gone, they thought our path just hadn’t crossed because I had just been serving somewhere else.

While I was happy to be there for my niece’s special day, I also felt a sense of relief when I walked out those doors knowing that I would never be returning again. Leaving the church had been a challenging decision, and attending this baptism brought back memories of the people I had left behind. There was a bittersweet undercurrent to the experience.

In the aftermath of the visit, I found myself processing a whirlwind of emotions. The visit had stirred up old wounds, and I found myself grappling with feelings of anxiety and vulnerability for days following the baptism. The choice to leave the church had been transformative, but confronting my past also reminded me of the challenges I had faced. It reaffirmed my commitment to embracing my own beliefs and values and find strength in staying true to myself.

In the end, attending my niece’s baptism was a reminder of why I made the choice I did to leave. Returning solidified the reassurance I needed. I was reminded of the intentional growth I had made since leaving the church. It was a bittersweet experience, but it also reinforced my decision to distance myself from that community. While it may have been challenging, I’m grateful for the growth and self-awareness that came from confronting my past and finding strength in the person I’ve become today.

Returning

Familiar faces and hymns I knew,
But the beliefs, once mine, seemed askew.
A disconnection in that sacred space,
Where I once found comfort, but not grace.

Reflecting now, I see the light,
Embracing beliefs that feel right.
It was in leaving, I found my way,
A stronger self in the present day.

Disclaimer: The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.