Have you ever been going through a situation that was extremely difficult for you, only to be told by someone that you were looking to for help, advice, and support “Get Over It!” ? It can feel like a dismissive slap to the face. leaving a feeling of invalidation. In those moments, I’m looking for compassion, for someone to acknowledge my struggle and offer a comforting hand, rather than a callous demand to simply move on.

Getting over certain things can be a real rollercoaster of emotions. Some experiences seem to fade away effortlessly, while others leave an indelible mark, making it much harder to move on.

For instance, there was a situation where someone had been hurtful towards me, and I managed to move on from the pain they caused. However, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy when I learned that this person would be in contact with my children. While I had dealt with my own hurt feelings, the thought of them interacting with my kids stirred up a different kind of concern.

My ability to “get over” what they did to me didn’t mean that I could easily overlook the potential impact on my children. The well-being and safety of my kids were my top priorities, and knowing that this person, who had previously caused harm, would be around them created a mix of emotions. It was a complex situation where my own personal healing didn’t necessarily align with my parental instincts to protect my children.

In this case, moving on wasn’t just about my own feelings, but also about ensuring the best for my kids. It highlighted the intricate balance between personal emotions and our responsibilities as caregivers. While I could navigate my own emotions, I needed to carefully consider the potential impact on my children and make decisions that ensured their safety and well-being.

I’ve often wondered why some things are easier to get over than others, and as I’ve thought about it I’ve come to realize that several factors contribute to the varying levels of difficulty. Here are a few things I think determine how easy or hard it is to get over something:

Emotional Significance

One significant factor is the emotional significance attached to the event or situation. Those that hold deep personal meaning or have a profound emotional impact tend to be the most challenging to overcome. When we experience the loss of a loved one or the end of a long-term relationship, the emotional bonds involved make it incredibly tough to let go. The memories, the shared moments, and the dreams we had together all linger, making it a complex and arduous process to heal.

It depends who was affected by the situation. For instance, as I said if my children were involved or hurt, I will have a much harder time getting over it. The depth of my emotions and my sense of responsibility as a parent would make it a challenging process. The well-being and happiness of my children are incredibly important to me, and any negative impact on them would weigh heavily on my heart. In such cases, moving on from the situation would likely require more time, support, and healing.

Time, Energy, Effort

The amount of time, effort, and energy invested in something also plays a crucial role in how difficult it is to move on. If we’ve poured our heart and soul into a project, a goal, or a relationship, detaching ourselves becomes more challenging. The sense of loss associated with letting go of something we’ve invested a significant portion of our lives or resources into can be overwhelming. We may grapple with feelings of emptiness or uncertainty about the future, which further complicates the process.

Control

Our perception of control in a situation affects our ability to let go. When we believe we have some measure of control over the outcome or can positively influence it, it becomes easier to move forward. However, situations where we feel powerless or helpless can be incredibly daunting to overcome. The lack of control can fuel feelings of frustration and prolong the healing process. (This is something that I have been working on in my own life)

Support

Having a strong support system can make a world of difference when it comes to getting over something. The presence of understanding friends, family, or a support network can provide the encouragement we need to navigate through difficult times. Their support can help us process our emotions, gain perspective, and find the strength to move forward. Conversely, the absence of such a support system can make the journey towards healing more challenging and lonely.

Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Resilience

Our individual coping mechanisms and emotional resilience also play a significant role. People with effective coping strategies, such as problem-solving skills, emotional regulation techniques, or seeking professional help, tend to find it easier to overcome difficult situations. These tools help them navigate through the pain, process their emotions, and gradually find a way forward. However, those who struggle with coping or lack appropriate strategies may find it more difficult to move on.

Positive or Negative Outlook

If we maintain a positive outlook, believing that there are better things ahead, it becomes easier to release the past. Embracing the idea that new opportunities await and that growth and happiness are still within reach helps to gradually loosen the grip of the past. Conversely, a negative or pessimistic view of the future can hinder the process of getting over something, leaving us stuck in a cycle of pain and longing.

Ultimately, the ability to get over something varies from person to person. What may be an effortless process for one person could be an ongoing struggle for another. Each situation is unique, and the way these factors interact with each other adds to the complexity. This means that there is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to healing and moving on. We need to adapt our strategies and methods to address the individual needs and challenges we face in order to move towards healing and progress. While it may take time, patience, and self-compassion, it is possible to get over it and heal, emerging stronger on the other side.