Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism

Sure, If That’s What You Want To Believe, Go For It…

Recently I’ve been thinking about the concept of “your perception is your reality.” While this is absolutely true there is another side to that concept, just because something is a perceived reality doesn’t mean it is the truth. Let me explain…

A little while ago, I found myself in a heated discussion with a friend. We had been discussing a controversial topic, and it seemed like our viewpoints were irreconcilable. I firmly believed I was right, and I felt that my perception of the situation was unquestionably the absolute truth.

As the discussion continued, I became increasingly frustrated. It felt like my friend was intentionally ignoring the facts, and I couldn’t understand how they could be so blind to what I saw as the obvious reality. I even started questioning our friendship, wondering how someone I cared about could hold such misguided beliefs.

Then, during one particularly intense exchange, my friend paused and said something that stuck with me ever since: “I understand where you’re coming from, and I respect your perspective. But remember, your perception is your reality, and so is mine.”

Those words hit me like a revelation. I realized that while I was convinced of the righteousness of my position, my friend was equally convinced of theirs. We were both seeing the same situation through our unique lenses, shaped by our life experiences, values, and beliefs.

After some reflection, I decided to take a step back and consider my friend’s viewpoint more seriously. I began researching the topic from different angles, seeking out various opinions and sources of information. In doing so, I discovered that the issue was far more complex than I had initially thought.

As I gained a deeper understanding of the subject, my perspective started to shift. I saw that my initial perception, while valid in many aspects, was not the whole truth. It was a humbling realization, and it taught me the importance of humility and open-mindedness.

This experience served as a reminder that in our interactions with others and our understanding of the world, it’s essential to acknowledge that our perception is just one piece of the puzzle. Embracing the idea that your perception is your reality, but just because something is a perceived reality doesn’t mean it is the truth has since guided me in approaching disagreements and complex issues with an open mind and willingness to learn. The truth often lies somewhere in the middle, influenced by objective facts and multiple perspectives.

Ultimately, my friend and I didn’t completely agree on the issue, but our friendship remained intact. We had both learned a valuable lesson about the nature of perception and truth. It became clear that while our perceptions were our individual realities, there was often a more nuanced and multifaceted truth that required exploration and empathy.

Just because something feels true doesn’t necessarily make it an absolute truth that applies universally. Our perception is like a filter through which we view the world. It can sometimes distort or color the reality around us. It’s like wearing tinted glasses; the world may look a certain way through them, but that’s not how it appears to someone else with a different pair of glasses. (Occasionally, we wear rose-colored glasses, making it extremely challenging to notice red flags.)

Our beliefs, experiences, and upbringing all come together to create our personal worldview. And there’s nothing wrong with that – it’s a fundamental part of being human. However, true reality often exists beyond our perceptions, influenced by objective facts and varying viewpoints. Recognizing the distinction between our personal reality and the objective truth is essential for open-mindedness, empathy, and personal growth. It reminds us that there’s always room for learning and evolving our understanding of the world.

Imagine a room with people from different backgrounds and experiences. Each person might describe the room differently based on where they’re standing or what they’re focusing on. Their descriptions would be their personal realities, shaped by their unique viewpoints.

Growing up in the Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) community, I was surrounded by a set of beliefs and practices that were presented as absolute truth. From a young age, I was taught that our way of life was the only path to righteousness. This community was my entire world, and my perception of reality was shaped by its teachings.

One of the core beliefs in the IFB was the notion that the outside world was a morally corrupt and dangerous place. We were repeatedly told that secular influences were leading people astray, and that our isolation from these influences was crucial for our salvation. This belief was ingrained in me to the point where I viewed the outside world with suspicion and even fear.

As a result, I grew up sheltered from many aspects of the real world. I was discouraged from pursuing friendships with non-believers, and my education was filtered through a strictly religious lens. While I believed that I was living a righteous and protected life, I was also unaware of the diversity of experiences and perspectives beyond my community.

church | lookingjoligood.blog

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I began to question my perception of reality. As I ventured into the wider world, I encountered people from various backgrounds and beliefs. I realized that the “dangerous” world I had been warned about wasn’t so perilous after all. People from different walks of life were kind, compassionate, and lived by their own moral codes.

This awakening challenged the core belief I had held for so long: that the perception of reality within the IFB was the only valid one. I began to understand that my upbringing had provided me with a narrow view of the world. While the IFB had taught me that their way was the absolute truth, I came to see that truth is often subjective and influenced by one’s perspective.

The IFB had instilled in me the idea that their perception was the only reality, but leaving the community had shown me that my reality through their view was limited and biased. I learned that just because something is a perceived reality, it doesn’t necessarily equate to the universal truth. This realization encouraged me to be more open-minded, empathetic, and willing to engage with diverse perspectives.

In retrospect, my journey out of the IFB taught me that questioning one’s perception of reality is essential for personal growth. It’s a reminder that our beliefs, no matter how deeply ingrained, should be subject to scrutiny and self-reflection. While my time in the IFB was a part of my reality, it’s not the only truth, and I now embrace a more inclusive and open-minded outlook on the world.

The distinction between our personal reality and objective truth is vital. It reminds us that there’s always more to learn and discover. It encourages us to be open-minded, to listen to others, and to consider alternative perspectives.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

Disclaimer: It’s important to acknowledge that this is my opinion based on my own life experiences. While this discussion explores the concept of perception and reality within life and in the context of the IFB, I fully understand that there are individuals who find genuine fulfillment and happiness within religion and the IFB community. People have diverse experiences and perceptions, and some may genuinely enjoy and benefit from their involvement in the IFB. I ay disagree, but unlike what I experienced while in the IFB I do not intend to diminish or invalidate those positive experiences but rather seeks to highlight the complexities of personal perspectives and their role in shaping our understanding of the world.

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism

How Can Positivity Be So Toxicity…

Have you ever known someone who believed that surrounding themselves with positivity meant avoiding anything that challenged or confronted them? It seems as if they believed that in order to stay positive, they needed to shield themselves from any form of criticism or opposing viewpoints. They actively seek out environments where dissenting opinions were suppressed or dismissed. Their goal was to create a seemingly serene and harmonious atmosphere, but deep down, it felt like they were hiding from reality. And in reality, it only led to a fragile façade that prevented them from experiencing true growth and happiness.

Overall, I consider myself to be an optimistic person. While I do lean towards reality, I prefer to look on the brighter side of things. But let’s talk about something that often goes unnoticed in our pursuit of positivity: toxic positivity. It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.

Toxic positivity is when focus is excessively on positive thinking to the point where it dismisses or invalidates genuine human emotions and experiences. It’s like putting up a front of constant happiness and optimism, while suppressing any negative feelings. It creates this pressure to always be cheerful and masks the reality of our true emotions.

In my own experiences, I once had a friend who consistently exuded an unwavering positivity. They wholeheartedly embraced the concept of “positive vibes only.” However, as time went on, I started to discern the toxic undertones that lay beneath their cheerful façade . Whenever I shared my concerns or struggles, they would deflect, change the subject, or even chastise me for being negative. Instead of offering empathy or understanding, they would dismiss my worries as mere illusions, leaving me feeling invalidated in my experiences.

While the idea of “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade” can promote a positive and proactive mindset in the face of adversity, it is crucial to recognize that life’s difficulties cannot always be overcome by simply applying such a cliché. Some situations demand deeper introspection, problem-solving, or seeking external support. Relying solely on a one-size-fits-all positive approach may fall short when confronted with the complexities of real-life challenges.

I’ve realized that there’s a significant difference between what I used to think of as positivity and what I now see as genuine optimism.

Toxic positivity, often hailed as a universal remedy, can be just as detrimental as constant negativity. While negativity fixates on problems, toxic positivity denies their existence altogether. Both approaches hinder problem-solving and personal growth, as they fail to acknowledge and address the complexities and nuances of life.

When it comes to solving problems, finding a balance is key. It means recognizing the challenges we face while keeping a proactive mindset. By taking a realistic approach, we can tackle obstacles head-on, explore different solutions, and make progress towards resolving them.

While positivity is undoubtedly valuable, it’s crucial to be mindful of the potential pitfalls of toxic positivity. Sometimes, relying too much on clichés and overly positive thinking can overlook the complexities of our emotions and challenges. It’s important to embrace a more nuanced view, acknowledging the limitations of simplistic catchphrases.

lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

I would love for you to follow me on InstagramTwitterPinterest, and Facebook. You can find me as Looking Joli Good on all four.

Health/ Fitness · Lifestyle

Self-care Is More Than Gratitude Journaling, Lavender Baths, Candles, Meditation, Yoga, and Treating Yo’self

Like many people, I used to believe that self-care was all about simple acts of treating myself. I enjoy lighting a candle, taking a bath, reading a good book, gratitude journaling, and doing yoga. While these practices are enjoyable and provided a brief escape from the daily grind, I have come to realize that is not enough.

Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino | Lookingjoligood.blog

A turning point in my life led me to question the depth of my self-care practices. It was during a particularly challenging period when I found myself overwhelmed constantly prioritizing the needs and wants of others at the expense of my family and my own well-being. During this period of self-reflection, I started to realize the shortcomings of my shallow self-care practices. I couldn’t continue to treat myself poorly all day everyday and expect a Caramel Ribbon Crunch Frappuccino to solve all of my problems.

As I dug deeper into intentional personal growth, my perspective on self-care evolved significantly. It shifted from being solely about momentary relaxation to becoming a continuous dedication to my mental, emotional, and physical well-being. While I still valued lighting a candle and treating myself to a Frappuccino, they were no longer the sole basis of my self-care routine.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

Self-care goes beyond lavender baths, candles, and yoga. While gratitude journaling is a positive thing, on it’s own it quite often is not enough. Self-care encompasses the holistic care of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. It’s about tuning into your needs and desires and making choices that prioritize your overall health and happiness.

True self-care, I realized, strikes a delicate balance between the soothing moments of external pampering and the depth of self-compassion and boundary-setting. It is an ever-evolving journey, an exploration of nurturing both the external and internal dimensions of oneself, resulting in lasting change and genuine well-being.

Deeper self-care involves setting boundaries. It means learning to say no to things that don’t align with your values or that you simply don’t have time for. It also entails clear communication of your needs and expectations to others. (You can read more about what I have to say about setting boundaries by clicking HERE)

Setting boundaries became a pivotal aspect of my authentic self-care. I recognized that my habit of consistently saying “yes” to others often meant saying “no” to myself, my family, and my own needs. As I acquired the skill of assertively but kindly setting boundaries, I witnessed transformative changes not only in my relationships but also in how I valued and respected myself and my time.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

Another facet is the practice of processing your emotions. This involves allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of your emotions, both positive and negative, without judgment, giving yourself permission to experience them fully. It’s about recognizing that it’s okay to feel sadness, anger, fear, or any other emotion that arises. Rather than pushing these feelings aside or criticizing yourself for having them, you acknowledge their presence with compassion.

Talking to a therapist or a trusted friend can be immensely helpful, as it provides a safe space to express your emotions, gain insights, and receive support. (I am a verbal processor, it is extremely helpful for me to talk through my emotions with a trusted person. If you have ever been one of these people in my life know that I am forever grateful for you. )

Journaling is another powerful way to process emotions. I’m not talking about jotting down 3 things you are grateful for, but writing down your true inner thoughts and feelings. This allows you to explore and make sense of them. It can be a cathartic experience, helping you gain clarity and perspective on your emotions and the situations that trigger them. (Personally, I didn’t even realize some of my true thoughts and feelings until I started writing them out and working through them while journaling.)

For those inclined toward creative expression, such as art, music, or dance, these mediums can serve as valuable outlets for processing emotions. Creating art, whether through painting, sculpture, or other forms, can be a therapeutic means of channeling and externalizing what’s going on inside.

Self-compassion is yet another crucial component of self-care. It’s about treating yourself with kindness and understanding, even when you make mistakes, and accepting yourself for who you are, wounds, scars and all. I am learning to treat myself with the same tenderness and understanding that I readily extended to friends and loved ones. This shift in mindset is allowing me to confront my own struggles and emotions without harsh self-judgment, which has encouraged a sense of inner peace.

I made a deliberate shift in my self-dialogue by replacing negative self-talk with intentional positive affirmations. Instead of criticizing or doubting myself, I began consciously and regularly affirming my worth, capabilities, and potential. These positive affirmations have become a powerful tool to counteract self-limiting beliefs and boost my self-esteem. Over time, this practice not only transformed my mindset but also had a significant impact on my overall well-being.

Positive affirmations are powerful statements that can help shift your mindset towards a more optimistic and self-empowered outlook. Here are some examples:

  1. “I am capable of achieving my goals and dreams.”
  2. “I am worthy of love and respect.”
  3. “I am resilient and can overcome any challenges.”
  4. “I believe in my abilities and trust myself.”
  5. “I am in control of my thoughts and emotions.”
  6. “I embrace change and grow with every experience.”
  7. “I am grateful for the abundance in my life.”
  8. “I am at peace with my past, present, and future.”
  9. “I am constantly evolving and becoming the best version of myself.”
  10. “I deserve happiness, and I choose to be happy.”
  11. “I attract positive and supportive people into my life.”
  12. “I love and accept myself unconditionally.”
snow capped mountains| lookingjoligoo.blog

Taking care of your physical health is also vital. This encompasses maintaining a balanced diet, getting enough restful sleep, and engaging in regular exercise.

Listening to your body is an essential practice of self-care. It involves paying attention to physical cues, such as pain, fatigue, or discomfort, and responding accordingly. Pushing through pain or ignoring warning signs can lead to injury or worsen existing health issues. Tuning into your body’s signals and respecting its limitations is a form of self-compassion.

Just as important, seeking necessary medical care is integral to caring for your physical health. Regular check-ups with healthcare professionals, screenings, and addressing health concerns promptly are vital components of this self-care aspect. These actions enable early detection and prevention of potential health issues, ensuring you receive appropriate guidance and treatment when needed. Take it from an oncology nurse who has seen first hand, early detection saves lives, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Nurturing your spiritual side is an intrical part of self-care. It involves finding meaning and purpose through various means, including religious or spiritual practices, connecting with nature, or engaging in activities aligned with your values. This form of self-care provides inner nourishment, creating a sense of peace and fulfillment. It’s a personal journey that varies for each person, offering a source of strength and clarity to navigate life’s challenges.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

Nurturing your spiritual side doesn’t have to look like the cookie cutter version of attending weekly church services. It can include meditation and mindfulness that cultivate inner peace and self-awareness. Spending time outside in nature encouraging a sense of interconnectedness with the world. Yoga promotes balance and alignment. Journaling and reading deepen your understanding of yourself and the world around you. Self-reflection and prayer fuels personal growth and connection with God. Volunteering provides fulfillment and purpose. Religious or spiritual rituals offer structure, community, and guidance, while connecting with like-minded communities provides support. These practices collectively contribute to a more meaningful connection with your inner self and the world around you. Whether through meditation, nature walks, or purpose-driven actions, spiritual self-care contributes to a deeper sense of well-being.

Here are some tips that have worked for me for cultivating a deeper self-care practice:

Begin by identifying your needs and areas in your life that require more attention in terms of self-care. Are you feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out? Are you feeling overworked and underappreciated? Is your physical health being neglected? Or do you need to nurture your spiritual well-being?

Explore activities that you genuinely enjoy and that uplift your spirits. This could range from reading a book to immersing yourself in nature or spending quality time with loved ones. Experiment with various activities until you discover what resonates best with you.

clouds | lookingjoligoo.blog

Prioritize self-care by scheduling dedicated time for it each day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Remember, taking time for yourself is not selfish; it’s an essential act of self-care.

Be consistent in your self-care routine. It’s not a one-time endeavor but an ongoing practice that reaps benefits with regularity.

Self-care is a fundamental aspect of a healthy lifestyle. By tending to your well-being, you equip yourself to better handle stress, manage your emotions, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Self-care is highly individualized and not a one-size-fits-all approach. What brings comfort to one person may not resonate with another. The key is to find self-care practices that align with your preferences and lifestyle.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

Disclaimer: The information provided is based on general knowledge and personal experience and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. While I am a registered nurse, I am not your personal healthcare provider. It is advisable for you to consult with your own designated healthcare professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation for personalized guidance and recommendations tailored to your specific needs.

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism · Health/ Fitness

Hello, My Name is Laura, and I Have High-Functioning Anxiety…

High-Functioning Anxiety | lookingjoligood.blog

Abstract/TL;DR: High-functioning anxiety silently impacted my life, causing restlessness and unease. Discovering this condition provided clarity and a path to coping. I realized that my constant striving for perfection and comparing myself to others were manifestations of anxiety. Learning about high-functioning anxiety was a relief and validation. I’ve embarked on a journey of healing, practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, and prioritizing mental well-being. While anxiety still arises, I face it with resilience and support. Opening up has fostered connections, and I no longer define myself by anxiety. Each day brings challenges, but I’m hopeful and equipped to navigate them.

It’s difficult for me to admit what I’m about to share, but I believe that by opening up about my pain and experiences I may be able to help someone else. I appreciate your willingness to listen and I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my story.

Have you ever felt like you were constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, meeting high expectations, and pushing yourself to excel in every aspect of your life? Have you experienced a persistent feeling of restlessness, worry, and an underlying sense of unease, even when everything appears to be going well? If so, you like me, may have “high-functioning anxiety.”

For the longest time, I was unaware of this concept, yet it silently shaped my experiences, leaving me feeling like I was just coping with the challenges life threw at me. Little did I know that the nagging feeling deep within me was a manifestation of high-functioning anxiety, silently dictating my thoughts, actions, and emotions. It wasn’t until I discovered this condition that I began to make sense of my struggles and, most importantly, learn effective ways to cope and manage this anxiety that had been silently plaguing me for so long.

High-Functioning Anxiety | lookingjoligood.blog

I genuinely believed that I was simply coping with the demands of everyday life. I thought that feeling overwhelmed was just a normal responses to the pressures I faced. I pushed myself relentlessly, always striving for perfection and never allowing my mind to rest. Despite my achievements, there was always a nagging feeling deep within me that something wasn’t quite right.

I don’t lack self-confidence and I am not a people pleaser, but I am highly motivated to know what is expected of me and to do it well. I would compare myself to others, constantly doubting my abilities and fearing that I would be exposed as a fraud. I dismissed my racing heartbeat, sweaty palms and overwhelming dread of certain situations as typical stress responses, not realizing that they were manifestations of a deeper anxiety. I often said “I’m not an anxious person.” Because I wasn’t exhibiting the signs and symptoms of classic anxiety, I was in denial. Convincing myself that I was strong and capable, even as anxiety gnawed at my insides. It wasn’t until the anxiety subsided that I realized how deeply I had been affected by it.

But as time went on, that nagging feeling grew louder, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was like a constant companion, reminding me that something was off. I began to question why seemingly simple tasks would trigger intense feelings. I felt exhausted by the constant mental chatter, unable to silence the anxious thoughts that infiltrated every aspect of my life.

By chance, I stumbled upon an article about high-functioning anxiety. As I read through the descriptions, it was as if someone had lifted a veil from my eyes. The pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place, and I realized that what I had been experiencing all along was not mere coping, but rather high-functioning anxiety.

Learning about high-functioning anxiety was both a relief and a revelation. It provided an explanation for the constant inner turmoil I had been enduring. It gave me a sense of validation, knowing that I wasn’t alone in this struggle and that there was a name for what I was going through.

High-Functioning Anxiety | lookingjoligood.blog

Since discovering that I have high-functioning anxiety, I’ve embarked on a journey of learning and healing. I’ve learned to recognize the signs of anxiety and to be more compassionate towards myself. I now understand that my worth isn’t solely defined by external achievements or the opinions of others. I’ve started practicing self-care and prioritizing my mental well-being. I’ve embraced mindfulness techniques to ground myself in the present moment and challenge the negative thoughts that fuel my anxiety.

It hasn’t been an easy road, and there are still moments when anxiety rears its head and tries to take control. But armed with the knowledge of high-functioning anxiety, I’ve become more resilient and proactive in managing it. Opening up has fostered deeper connections and shown me that vulnerability doesn’t equate to weakness and asking for help doesn’t mean incompetence.

While high-functioning anxiety continues to be a part of my life, I am no longer defined by it. I’ve reclaimed a sense of agency and am actively working towards living a balanced and fulfilling life. Each day brings new challenges, but I face them with a newfound strength and a sense of hope, knowing that I have the tools and support to navigate the road ahead.

In future posts I will share some of the things I have learned to help decrease my anxiety and quiet my mind.

High-Functioning Anxiety | lookingjoligood.blog

Here is some educational information about high-functioning anxiety.

TL;DR: High-functioning anxiety is a term used to describe ongoing anxiety, perfectionism, and a drive for success while still functioning at a high level in personal and professional life. It can be characterized by overthinking, fear of failure, insomnia, people-pleasing tendencies, dwelling on past mistakes, and excessive worry. Treatment often involves therapy, stress management, and self-care. It’s important to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment and appropriate support. Resources for further reading include articles from Cleveland Clinic, Forbes Health, and Montare Behavioral Health. Remember to seek personalized guidance from your own healthcare professional.

Classic anxiety is characterized by persistent symptoms such as worry, fear, restlessness, and physical manifestations of anxiety. It can significantly impair daily functioning and relationships, requiring therapy, self-care, and sometimes medication. On the other hand, high-functioning anxiety involves ongoing anxiety, perfectionism, and a constant drive for success. Despite experiencing anxiety, individuals with high-functioning anxiety are able to function at a high level in their personal and professional lives. They may hide their anxiety from others due to the pressure to maintain an image of success and competence. Treatment for high-functioning anxiety typically includes therapy, stress management techniques, and self-care practices to address negative thinking patterns and perfectionism.

It’s important to note that classic anxiety is an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which mental health professionals use to diagnose mental health conditions. High functioning anxiety is not an official DSM-5 diagnosis. It is more of a colloquial term used to describe a specific experience of anxiety. If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, it is advisable to consult with a mental health professional for an accurate assessment and appropriate support.

High-Functioning Anxiety | lookingjoligood.blog

Those with high-functioning anxiety may demonstrate the following traits:

  • High achiever.
  • Highly organized.
  • Detail oriented.
  • Outgoing personality.
  • Proactive.

“An individual with high-functioning anxiety may appear calm on the outside but feel very anxious internally,” explains Dr. Borland. “These individuals may try to mask their symptoms by taking control of the situation.”

Schneider, K. (2022, December 9). Signs You Have High-Functioning Anxiety. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety/

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of high-functioning anxiety is difficult in large part because people often hide their symptoms. Some common symptoms of high-functioning anxiety include:

  • Constantly overthinking and overanalyzing
  • Fear of failure and striving for perfection
  • Insomnia and fatigue
  • The need to please others and difficulty saying no
  • Tendency to dwell on past mistakes
  • Nervous habits such as nail-biting, hair twirling, or leg shaking
  • Excessive worry and difficulty expressing emotions

Many characteristics of individuals with high-functioning anxiety are thought of positively, such as being punctual, organized, outgoing, helpful, detail-oriented, proactive, and high-achieving. Others often view these characteristics as part of a person’s personality rather than the result of anxiety.

Center, R. H. (2023). High-Functioning Anxiety | Anxiety Treatment Center Michigan. Rose Hill Center. https://www.rosehillcenter.org/mental-health-blog/signs-you-have-high-functioning-anxiety/

Interested in learning more, check out these resources that were helpful to me…

Center, R. H. (2023). High-Functioning Anxiety | Anxiety Treatment Center Michigan. Rose Hill Center. https://www.rosehillcenter.org/mental-health-blog/signs-you-have-high-functioning-anxiety/

Ismail, N. (2023, May 18). High-Functioning Anxiety: Symptoms, Causes And Treatment. Forbes Health. https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety/

Lara. (2023). The 7 Signs of High-Functioning Anxiety. Montare Behavioral Health | Mental Health Treatment in Los Angeles. https://montarebehavioralhealth.com/7-signs-of-high-functioning-anxiety/

Schneider, K. (2022, December 9). Signs You Have High-Functioning Anxiety. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety/

Check out my recent post about how I have been finding faith following my choice to leave fundamentalism by clicking HERE.

Click HERE to read about how I have been trying to find calm following church-induced anxiety.

If you still want to read more of what I have to say, check out my post about discovering that I am covered by grace and I am not desperately wicked by clicking HERE

If you or someone you know is struggling with issues with mental health visit mentalhealth.com

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

Disclaimer: The information provided is based on general knowledge and personal experience and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. While I am a registered nurse, I am not your personal healthcare provider. It is advisable for you to consult with your own designated healthcare professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation for personal guidance and recommendations tailored to your specific needs.

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism

The Pressure of Perfection Growing Up Fundamentalist

First things first, a disclaimer…

Disclaimer: I’d like to preface this post by acknowledging that two things can be true at once. My experiences in fundamentalism includes fond memories from my childhood while at the same time that environment cause me grief and pain. It’s important to recognize that not everything within Baptist fundamentalism is negative; there were aspects that contributed positively to my upbringing. However, it’s equally important to address the complexities. The strict rules and the constant pursuit of an unattainable perfection cast a profound shadow on me. The overwhelming pressure to conform and be perfect combined with the “you know better” mentality, significantly influenced the way I perceive myself and the world as an adult. In reflection I recognize the coexistence of both beneficial and burdensome elements within fundamentalism. I would also like to point out that I have a great relationship with my parents. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned that make me who I am today.

Over the last few months while I have been writing about all the work I have done navigating my way through finding faith following fundamentalism, I have found this process of introspection to be both enlightening and challenging. It has required me to revisit pivotal moments that have deeply influenced my worldview and sense of self. By sharing my journey, I’ve found catharsis and also tried to create a bridge for connection with others who have faced and are facing comparable challenges. Although challenging, this process has proven to be quite therapeutic.

Some posts are easier to write than others. This one, in particular, proved emotionally demanding as it delves into a profoundly personal and sensitive topic. It’s not just about recounting my upbringing within an Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) community; it’s about highlighting how this experience deeply influenced not only my perspective on the world but also my perception of myself and my sense of self-worth, especially as a child. While I won’t lay bare every detail, I do want to emphasize how detrimental it can be for a child when they are held to impossibly high standards of perfection within such a community.

Growing up in a fundamentalist environment was like navigating a world of rigid rules and unyielding expectations. I understood from a young age that perfection was the standard, the goal that seemed both elusive and demanding. Perfection is an exceptionally challenging expectation to establish for a child! In my mind, the pressure to adhere to these standards was palpable, as if every misstep was a mark of failure in the eyes of those who believed in these principles and doctrines.

I was reminded that I am saved by grace, a gift beyond comprehension, yet somehow it felt like a lifelong test to prove my devotion and worth of the gift. I often felt like I was handed the exam before even having a chance to be instructed on the materials. This constant pressure to live up to unattainable standards profoundly impacted my sense of self-worth and personal expectations of myself.

For a child navigating this type of world the pressure can be overwhelming, it was for me. The constant fear of making mistakes, of falling short of those lofty expectations, seems to try to stifle creativity, curiosity, and the natural process of learning through trial and error. Instead of encouraging a sense of self-worth, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Fortunately, for me I still grew to possess self-confidence, but I consistently felt like I was in the wrong for confidently holding my own viewpoints and opinions.

Such an environment that demands perfection often creates a mindset that views self-worth as contingent on performance. Children may grow up believing that their value as individuals hinges on their ability to meet these unrealistic standards. This mindset can persist into adulthood, affecting not only their self-esteem but also their relationships, ambitions, and overall well-being. They may grow to become adults who are not willing to admit when they have made a mistake or are wrong.

It’s crucial to recognize that childhood should be a time of exploration, growth, and the development. Childhood is a time to learn to live by making mistakes and learning from them with minimal consequences, creating growth, resilience, and the development of a healthy sense of self-worth. When these formative years are overshadowed by the relentless pursuit of an illusive perfection, it can leave deep emotional scars that take years, even a lifetime, to heal. Understanding the impact of such high standards on children is a crucial step in creating more supportive and nurturing environments for the next generation.

My biggest regret in life is that for a time I allowed my own children to be subjected to that same environment. Reflecting on the profound impact it had on my own childhood, and how it influenced my self perception, I deeply regret exposing my own children to the community that had the same overwhelming level of expectation and scrutiny. Thankfully, we left before the impact was irreversible, and overall my children seem unscathed. My regret serves as a powerful reminder that breaking free from such environments was not just an act of self-liberation but also a way to protect the well-being and mental health of my children and my future generations.

(I’d like to emphasize that I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents. I love them and have no bitterness or resentment whatsoever towards either of them. I truly believe they were doing the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had at the time. Two things can be true at once, while I wish that we had left that community while I was a child, I am thankful for the lessons that I have learned along the way because they make me who I am today.)

Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us that “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” This verse highlights that salvation comes through God’s grace as a gift, not as a result of our own efforts, and it is received through faith rather than by our works.

The concept of being saved by grace, while seemingly liberating, came with its own set of burdens. It was as though the grace bestowed upon me was accompanied by an unspoken obligation – an obligation to constantly prove my worthiness, my gratitude, and my love for God. The assurance that grace had already granted me salvation clashed with the perpetual need to demonstrate that I deserved it. It was a balancing act between embracing the gift and feeling the weight of being worthy of the gift.

At the Christian school I attended and from the lessons taught in Sunday school and church services, the words “you know better” became a familiar refrain whenever I made a mistake, no matter how small. It was as if the missteps I took were seen as conscious defiance rather than human imperfection. The pressure to uphold spiritual maturity and understanding left little room for acknowledging the complexities of growth or questioning. Instead, the reminder that I “knew better” felt like an admonition, a marker of my supposed deviation from the straight and narrow path. If I knew better then, why did I feel as if I couldn’t voice my doubts and questions? Why did I carry the weight of unwarranted guilt for simply making childish mistakes?

Grace Requires Nothing Of Me | lookingjoligood.blog

As I grew older I struggled through this narrative of salvation through grace, yet the need to constantly be striving for perfection and worthiness. I began to question the very foundation of this ideology. The grace I believed in was meant to be liberating, not a source of constant apprehension, stress, and anxiety.

I was told I was saved by grace yet needed to prove my thankfulness through perfected devotion. However, church leaders once again let me down by preaching and teaching one thing and living another way. Perfection was expected from me, but they did not hold themselves to the same standard while living their own lives. This contradiction left me feeling confused and betrayed. Regardless of their own flaws and shortcomings, they perpetually sought out new imperfections in me. I soon came to realize that no matter how “perfect” I was it was never going to be enough for them.

The dichotomy of grace and the need to prove love through perfection started to unravel. It was a process of untangling the threads of doctrine and personal belief, realizing that the pressure to constantly prove my devotion was not an inherent part of genuine faith.

Once I stepped away from the constant messages preached about my inherent worthlessness and my desperate wickedness, a new realization took hold: the truth that grace requires nothing of me and is indeed free despite imperfections.

I have discovered that faith could exist outside the boundaries of performance. Grace, true genuine grace, requires NOTHING of me! Grace doesn’t necessitate an ongoing demonstration of worthiness. Instead, it is an invitation to embrace imperfection and growth. Grace requires nothing of me but an open heart and a willingness to embrace imperfection. The weight of striving for an unattainable perfection began to lift, replaced by a sense of freedom to simply be a flawed yet worthy human.

I will admit that I still often expect perfection from myself. That little voice in the back of my head that holds me accountable for every mistake sometimes screams at me. While I cannot instantly reprogram 40 years of thought patterns, I can, however, give myself and others grace.

The best thing that I have done is to consistently try to create an environment for my children where they are allowed to make mistakes, grow, and learn without the expectation of perfection. Of course I am biased, but in turn, they are pretty perfect.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com
Lifestyle

Desperately Wicked!? Or Covered By Grace?

Abstract/TL;DR: Growing up, I was taught to distrust my instincts and rely solely on the teachings of the church. This led to guilt and shame for my independent thinking. However, I have come to understand that this belief contradicts the teachings of a loving God. I value critical thinking and discernment, realizing that faith and reason can coexist. I recognize my capacity for both good and evil and embrace the love and grace of God despite my imperfections. I trust my instincts and have a more compassionate approach to spirituality, embracing my own worth as a beloved child of God.

There is a passage in the Bible in Jeremiah 17:9-10 (KJV) 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings. (We’ll discuss this a bit more later*)

Growing up, I was constantly taught that I couldn’t trust my gut instincts. I was taught that my natural inclinations were inherently sinful and wicked, and that I needed to rely solely on the teachings of the Bible and the church to navigate my life. It was ingrained in me from a young age that my thoughts, desires, and intuition were all tainted by my sinful nature, and I felt a constant burden of guilt and shame.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

As I grew older, I possessed a strong sense of self-confidence and trust in my own abilities. However, I continually encountered the disheartening message that I was wrong for daring to think for myself. This teaching contradicted my innate belief in independent thought and individual expression. Despite my natural inclination to rely on my own judgment and listen to my gut, I was consistently told that this was misguided and unacceptable. The pressure to conform and relinquish my independent thinking weighed heavily on me, causing internal frustration.

I have come to understand that the belief that we are desperately wicked does not align with the teachings of a loving and gracious God. Throughout my spiritual journey, I have encountered various teachings that emphasize the unconditional love, forgiveness, and grace of God. These teachings have helped me recognize that I am created in the image of God and possess inherent worth and goodness.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

I have discovered there is beauty in critical thinking and discernment. Blindly following a set of rules and doctrines without questioning them stifles growth and limits understanding of the world. I embrace the idea that faith and reason can coexist, and that my own thoughts and experiences are valuable contributions to my spiritual and personal development.

I have the capacity for both good and evil, I have learned that God’s love and grace are available to me despite my imperfections. I am not defined solely by my shortcomings or mistakes. Instead, I am encouraged to strive for moral and spiritual growth, knowing that God’s love extends to every aspect of my life.

Finding Calm | lookingjoligood.blog

Today, I firmly believe that I can trust my gut instincts and that I am not inherently wicked. I have come to understand that the Bible can be interpreted in different ways and should not be used as a tool to suppress my own inherent goodness. I have grown from the teachings that once confined me and have embraced a more compassionate approach to Theology and spirituality.

Understanding the love and grace of God has allowed me to embrace my own value and potential. It has taught me to extend compassion and forgiveness to myself and others, fostering an environment of growth, healing, and transformation in my life. I am grateful for the teachings that have shown me the true nature of God’s love and have helped me embrace my own worth as a beloved child of God.

Desperately Wicked:

From depths within, darkness did reside,
But grace’s touch, my soul it did guide.
In shadows lost, I found redemption’s embrace,
Transformed by love, in its boundless grace.

Covered By Grace:

Beneath my flaws, grace’s shelter I found,
A refuge for my soul, where love’s abound.
Released from chains, I embrace my place,
Forever encased in grace.

*Now, for those who, based off of Jeremiah 17:9-10 KJV, would like to tell me why I am wrong and actually I am wicked and inherently evil and shouldn’t be trusting my gut, let’s discuss the verses…

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? 10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

Let’s delve into the context of Jeremiah 17:9 to better understand its intended message. This verse has often been used as a cautionary passage to suggest that we can’t trust ourselves due to the wickedness of our hearts. However, taking a closer look, it becomes evident that Jeremiah 17:9 is more about the specific historical and spiritual context of the time, rather than a blanket statement about human nature.

Jeremiah was addressing the disobedience of the people of Judah in the midst of their impending invasion by the Babylonians. The use of hyperbolic language in Jeremiah 17:9 helps emphasize the depth of Judah’s transgressions and their departure from God’s ways. The focus here is on exposing the unfaithfulness of the nation, rather than making a broad statement about the inherent wickedness of all human hearts.

In fact, when we read further in the passage, specifically verses 7 and 8, we find that Jeremiah also highlights the blessedness of those who trust in God. This nuance suggests that not everyone’s heart is inherently deceitful and wicked. There are people whose hearts are aligned with God’s will and whose trust in Him leads to positive outcomes. (v7-8 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.)

So, interpreting Jeremiah 17:9 as a universal declaration that we can never trust ourselves or that our hearts are always evil oversimplifies the message. Instead, it’s a call to reflection on the state of one’s heart in a specific historical context and an encouragement to turn towards God’s guidance.

In essence, while there are lessons to be gleaned from this verse about the potential pitfalls of human nature, it’s important to consider the broader context and the message of hope and blessings found within Jeremiah’s writings. The verse reminds us to stay aligned with God’s will and to trust Him, while acknowledging that there are those whose hearts genuinely seek goodness and righteousness.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

Disclaimer: The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism · Love and Life

Zero Sum Game Belief: A Paradigm Worth Challenging

Abstract/TL;DR: The zero-sum game belief is the mindset that assumes resources and opportunities are fixed, leading to a competitive and scarcity-based mentality. However, not everything is a zero-sum game, and positive-sum thinking offers a more empowering alternative. Positive-sum outcomes occur when everyone involved can benefit, and collaboration leads to innovative solutions. Overcoming the zero-sum game belief involves awareness, cultivating abundance and gratitude, adopting a growth mindset, building trust, and surrounding oneself with positive-sum thinkers. This shift in mindset can enhance decision-making, relationships, and overall outlook on life.

zero-sum game belief | lookingjoligood.blog

I wanted to share something fascinating that I recently learned and it completely changed my perspective on decision-making and how I perceive opportunities and life situations in general. It’s all about this concept called the “zero-sum game belief.”

You know how sometimes we tend to think that if someone else gains something, it automatically means that we lose out? Well, that’s what the zero-sum game belief is all about. It’s this mindset where we assume that resources are fixed, opportunities are limited, and that success for one person must come at the expense of another.

But here’s the mind-blowing part, it turns out that not everything is truly a zero-sum game. While there are situations where this dynamic exists, like in competitive sports or specific economic transactions, it doesn’t hold true for every aspect of life.

I’ve come to realize that this belief can be quite limiting. It can lead us to view everything as a competition, constantly comparing ourselves to others and feeling threatened by their successes. It creates a sense of scarcity and fosters an environment where collaboration and cooperation take a backseat. (Us vs them mindset)

There’s an alternative mindset called positive-sum thinking, and it’s incredibly empowering. Positive-sum outcomes occur when everyone involved can benefit, and the total gains surpass the total losses. It’s about recognizing that resources can be created, opportunities can be expanded, and collaboration can lead to innovative solutions that benefit all parties involved.

Let’s look at a situation from my own life that I have previously spoken about:

In my former community, there was a woman who, driven by her own struggles with competitiveness, insecurities, and social awkwardness, viewed my friendly nature and ease in social situations, among other things, as a threat. It is important to note that I, too, had my own zero-sum game mindset at that time. I saw her as competition and believed that for me to win, she had to lose. This mindset only fueled the negativity and tension between us.

Instead of embracing the opportunity to learn from one another and grow together, we both fell into a pattern of undermining each other’s confidence and trying to make the other feel inadequate. It was a toxic cycle that fed off our insecurities and created a hostile environment.

zero-sum game belief | lookingjoligood.blog

Looking back, I realize that had we both let go of our zero-sum game thinking, our interactions could have been so different. We could have supported and uplifted each other, celebrating our unique strengths and learning from our differences. We might have even been able to stay friends, finding common ground and helping each other overcome our respective struggles.

It’s a lesson I’ve learned since then, recognizing the destructiveness of a zero-sum game mindset and striving to approach relationships and interactions with a more collaborative and supportive mindset.

By embracing positive-sum thinking, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. Instead of feeling threatened by others’ successes, we can focus on our own growth and development. We can seek out opportunities for collaboration, tap into collective strengths, and create win-win situations.

So how do we overcome this zero-sum game belief? It starts with awareness. We need to recognize when we’re falling into that mindset and consciously challenge it. We can question the assumptions that everything is limited and that someone else’s success automatically means our failure.

zero-sum game belief | lookingjoligood.blog

We can cultivate a sense of abundance and gratitude for what we have, appreciating the opportunities available to us. Instead of seeing setbacks or challenges as failures, we can view them as opportunities for growth and learning. We can adopt a growth mindset, where we believe that our success is not dependent on someone else’s failure, but rather on our own efforts and continuous improvement.

Building trust and fostering positive relationships are also key. When we trust others and believe in their good intentions, collaboration becomes easier. We can work together, combining our strengths and expertise to achieve outcomes that benefit all parties involved.

Lastly, surrounding ourselves with people who embrace positive-sum thinking can have a profound impact. When we engage in conversations, read books, or listen to podcasts that promote a growth mindset and collaboration, it reinforces our own mindset shift. I’m really excited about this new perspective, and I believe it has the potential to enhance my decision-making, relationships, and overall outlook on life.

lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

I would love for you to follow me on InstagramTwitterPinterest, and Facebook. You can find me as Looking Joli Good on all four.

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better, I Can Do Anything Better Than You: Being Belittled By a Bragger

Abstract/TL;DR: Bragging refers to the act of constantly boasting about one’s achievements, skills, or abilities. It can leave others feeling inadequate and frustrated. Sharing out of genuine happiness is preferable to seeking validation through false humility and bragging. Excessive bragging often stems from insecurity, low self-esteem, or a constant need for validation. It can be a defense mechanism or a result of a competitive nature. Dealing with bragging requires focusing on personal growth, self-confidence, and not allowing it to define one’s worth.

We’ve all encountered them: braggers! As soon as you read the title of this post, someone likely popped into your mind. It’s challenging to genuinely celebrate someone’s joy when they incessantly brag. Authentic happiness is far more appealing than fishing for compliments through feigned humility.

bragging | lookingjoligood.blog

Being belittled by a bragger is an experience that can leave one feeling inadequate and frustrated. I’ve encountered my fair share of individuals who seem to take great pleasure in constantly boasting about their achievements, skills, “blessings,” and abilities. They always seem to find a way to make every conversation about them and their superior life. It’s as if they have an insatiable need to prove that they are better than everyone else.

It can be incredibly disheartening to be on the receiving end of relentless bragging. Their words seem to be meant to chip away at others’ self-confidence, trying to make everyone around them question their own abilities and accomplishments. Every time they showcase their successes, it feels like a direct challenge to my worth and capabilities. They thrive on comparison and revel in the feeling of superiority that comes from making others feel small.

Bragging | lookingjoligood.blog

What makes the situation even more frustrating is that these braggarts often lack the ability to see beyond their own self-centered perspective. They fail to consider that their achievements might not be the sole measure of someone’s worth or that there could be different areas where others excel. It’s a narrow-mindedness that perpetuates their need to constantly one-up those around them.

In response, I find myself torn between two conflicting emotions. On one hand, I feel a burning desire to prove them wrong, to demonstrate that I am just as capable, if not more so, in certain areas. I want to challenge their assumptions and show them that their self-proclaimed superiority is not as absolute as they believe.

On the other hand, I also recognize the futility of engaging in a never-ending competition with such individuals. Their need to constantly be on top is insatiable, and no matter what I do, they will find a way to overshadow my accomplishments. It’s like playing a game that has no winning condition, and I realize that my self-worth should not be determined by their validation or lack thereof.

Proverbs 27:2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. Stop Bragging | lookingjoligood.blog

In the face of such belittlement, I try to remind myself of my own strengths and accomplishments. I focus on cultivating self-confidence and finding satisfaction in my own progress, rather than seeking external validation. I refuse to allow their bragging to define my worth or make me question my abilities. I use their bragging as a reminder to look for an opportunity to be an encouragement to those around me, to make others feel validated and important.

Excessive bragging often stems from underlying insecurities, low self-esteem, or a constant need for validation. Individuals who engage in constant bragging may use it as a defense mechanism to mask their deep-rooted fears of inadequacy. They may struggle to empathize with others, focusing solely on promoting their own achievements. Furthermore, a competitive nature and the belief that life is a constant competition can also contribute to the compulsion to brag. Addressing this behavior requires self-reflection, developing genuine self-confidence, and learning to appreciate others’ accomplishments without feeling threatened.

At the end of the day, being belittled by a bragger is an unfortunate part of life. It’s an encounter with individuals who find joy in tearing others down to elevate themselves. But by staying true to my own values, focusing on personal growth, and not succumbing to their need for comparison, even though it is not easy I can rise above their attempts to diminish me. I need to remind myself that my worth is not determined by their words and that I am capable of achieving great things on my own whether I brag about them or not.

lookingjoligood.blog

Just a few quoted wise words about bragging:

“The most beautiful women I have known had one thing in common apart from beauty: humility. It’s a shame that those with less to boast about do it the most.”
― Donna Lynn Hope

“A good deed is not a good deed if you brag about it”
― Jeffrey Bernardo Copiaco

“If roses could talk, they would not boast of their beauty, because they know that they have always been beautiful.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, Song of a Nature Lover

“A session of boasting won’t attract any real friends.  It will set you up on a pedestal, however, making you a clearer target.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“When you flaunt your success, you’re setting yourself up for ridicule. Things can always go wrong. Your career stalls, fancy cars get repossessed, you lose your home. Unfortunate events magnified by your shameless boasting. Nothing in life is foolproof. The only thing bragging will accomplish is prove you’re the fool.”
― Carlos Wallace

“Some of the people who are showing off their speed are headed in the wrong direction.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Here are some “wise” words from the king of bragging himself Donald Trump “I know words. I have the best words.”

Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism

Taste and See…Memories of Chicken Casserole

During a recent family gathering, we were discussing one of my favorite topics: food! I reminisced about a delicious casserole I remember enjoying when I was younger. My Mom chimed in, mentioning that the recipe for that dish was actually included in the cookbook published by my former church. I had completely forgotten about the cookbook! (I will include the recipe that I was talking about below)

A couple of days later, I found myself at my parents’ house, flipping through the pages of the cookbook. I have to admit that I was not ready for the mix of emotions that it brought. As I turned the pages, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of memories flooding back. The familiar names of people I had known during my time growing up there filled the pages, and it was a bittersweet reminder of the connections I once had.

taste and see cookbook | lookingjoligood.blog

The cookbook was compiled and printed during a time in my life that I have mostly only fond memories of my former church and the people who attended at the time. It was a time where youth, naivety, and genuine respect for the kind and authentic leadership kept me from seeing any flaws in the doctrines and teachings.

Seeing those names, some of which I hadn’t thought about in years, was like reconnecting with old friends. Each name represented a face, a story, and a shared experience within the church community. It was a poignant reminder that despite the challenges and complexities of that time, there were genuine relationships that once held significant meaning in my life. (I remember eating many of the items in the cookbook at get togethers, dinners at friends’ houses, and church potlucks.)

But along with the warmth of recognition came a tinge of sadness. Looking at those names also reminded me of the distance that had grown between us. Leaving the church had naturally led to a gradual fading of those connections. It was a reminder that life moves forward, and paths diverge as we each go on our own separate ways.

The cookbook itself is a tangible link to a past that I had both embraced and outgrown. It held recipes and memories, but it also held the echoes of doctrines and beliefs that no longer aligned with my perspective. It was a snapshot of a different time, a world I had inhabited with a mix of joy and uncertainty.

As I closed the cookbook, I felt a sense of closure and gratitude. It was a chapter of my life that had shaped me in profound ways, but it was also a chapter that I had the courage to close. The emotions that surfaced while perusing those pages were a testament to the complexity of human experience—the intertwining of nostalgia, growth, and the resilience to move forward.

While the cookbook held more than just recipes, it is a reminder that even in the midst of change, there’s a thread of continuity that weaves through our lives. The bittersweet blend of recognition and separation highlighted that life is marked by both letting go and holding onto what truly matters.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com

CHICKEN CASSEROLE

2 whole chicken breasts

1 pt. sour cream

soup can milk

2 cans cream of chicken soup

1 (12-oz.) pkg. Pepperidge herb stuffing

Make stuffing as directed on package with 1 cup water and 1 stick of margarine. Cook chicken in water on stove with salt and pepper until tender. Debone meat; cut in large chunks. Place chicken in a 9 x 13-inch baking dish. Mix sour cream, soup and milk together until smooth. Pour over chicken. Top with stuffing. Bake at 350° for 1 hour.

Chicken Casserole | lookingjoligood.blog
Finding Faith Following Fundamentalism · Love and Life

A Lightbulb Moment: Do Not Let Others Diminish Your Worth, Refusing to Accept Projected Negativity.

TL;DR: When someone offers you a gift and you choose not to accept it, the gift remains with the giver. Similarly, when someone tries to bring you down with their negativity and you don’t allow it to affect you, their negativity remains theirs. By refusing to internalize their toxic energy, you retain control over your emotions and maintain your self-worth. Taking responsibility for our own behavior and creating a positive space is essential in dealing with destructive emotions like jealousy and fostering unity and trust.

I recently had a significant realization, a true lightbulb moment, and I’m excited to share it with you! It’s something I’ve learned that has made a profound impact on me: When someone gives you a gift and you choose not to accept it, the gift still belongs to the person who offered it. By declining the gift, you are indicating that you do not wish to possess or take ownership of it. Therefore, the gift remains the property of the giver unless they decide to offer it to someone else or take it back.

The same is true when someone tries to bring you down with their negativity and you don’t allow it to affect you, the impact and ownership of their negativity remain with them. By refusing to internalize their negative words or actions, you are essentially declining to accept their toxic energy. Just like the unaccepted gift, their negativity continues to belong to them. It doesn’t become a part of you or define your worth. Instead, they are left holding onto their own negativity, while you retain control over your own emotions and maintain a sense of self-worth independent of their attempts to bring you down.

light bulb moment | lookingjoligood.blog

Let me share an example from my own life as I understand the situation. In my former community, there was a woman who, driven by her own struggles with competitiveness, insecurities, and social awkwardness, viewed my friendly nature and ease in social situations, along with other things, as a threat. In response, she attempted to undermine my confidence and make me feel inadequate for possessing these positive qualities that came naturally to me.

While I was initially unaware of her feelings, unfortunately, her jealousy began to seep into her interactions with me and she also actively attempted to negatively alter others’ perception of me. This occurred during a particularly rough period of my life, reflecting on that challenging time, I must honestly admit that I didn’t respond with the maturity and kindness that I should have. I have to take ownership of my own shortcomings in this situation. However, as I look back, I realize that had I simply refused to internalize her attempts to make me feel bad about myself, she alone would have been left with the negativity she intended to impose on me.

Looking back with this new perspective, had I rejected their toxic energy, and maintained control over my emotions and preserve my sense of self-worth I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and frustration. This experience sheds light on the destructive nature of jealousy, revealing its ability to erode unity and trust among peers.It’s important for me to remember that I am not responsible for the negative actions of others. However, I recognize the need to take responsibility for my own behavior and contribute to establishing a positive space for myself and those around me.

Disclaimer: It is important to understand that hurt people often have a tendency to hurt others. While this statement provides some insight into certain behaviors, it does not excuse or justify any form of harm inflicted upon others. It serves as a reminder to approach individuals with compassion and empathy, recognizing that their actions may stem from their own unresolved pain and struggles. Nonetheless, it is crucial to prioritize the well-being and safety of oneself and others, promoting healing and fostering healthy relationships.

Laura lookingjoligood.wordpress.com