I started writing this post over four years ago… At the time I was upset and hurt by things happening in my personal life and in my church community. At the time I was conflicted by the discrepancy between church leaders preaching one thing and practicing another. I found myself frustrated and constantly asking Where is the Love?!

Because of various situations and circumstances in my life, I didn’t feel the freedom to honestly express my thoughts and feelings. As a result, this post remained in my drafts. Although this post doesn’t entirely resemble what I began writing four years ago, that is actually a positive change. Back then, my emotions were raw, and my perspective was clouded by the challenges and uncertainties I was facing. I remember the frustration and hurt that seeped into my words, driven by my pain and struggles. A lot has changed for me in the last few years and I no longer feel restricted or held back.

Growing up my church experience was largely shaped by my parents’ unwavering commitment to both God and the church community. Their genuine dedication and eagerness to serve meant that I was always right in the heart of everything that was happening within the church. From events to meetings and all the meaningful moments in between, I found myself on the “inside,” privy to the happenings and closely connected to the pulse of the church.

It wasn’t until a significant turn of events much later in my life that truly changed my perspective. Without going into too many details, there came a point when I found myself in a situation where I experienced a falling out with the wife of one of the church leaders. This shift marked a defining moment for me, as it was during this time that I suddenly understood what it felt like to be on the “outside” looking in.

The experience opened my eyes to a whole new side of church dynamics that I had never truly comprehended before. Suddenly, I began to sense the subtle divides and the complex relationships that often lie beneath the surface. I noticed that I was being shut out, information was being withheld as if I couldn’t be trusted, and I was purposefully being left out of discussions I had once been a part of. This newfound vantage point allowed me to grasp the nuances of how cliques can inadvertently form and how certain dynamics can shape the sense of belonging within a community.

While I found myself in a situation where my own place and standing had undergone a significant shift, what truly opened my eyes was realizing that others had been experiencing similar treatment and feelings all along.

There were people who, despite their dedication and commitment, had silently battled with a sense of not fully belonging. They had faced barriers to connection that were beyond their control, and this had been their reality for much longer than my own temporary experience. It was humbling to recognize that my brief stint on the outside had given me just a taste of what these people had been enduring for a long time.

In an unexpected way, this experience of being on the outside provided me with a valuable lesson in empathy and understanding. It taught me the importance of being inclusive and welcoming, making sure that others don’t feel left out or isolated. It was a reminder that even within the walls of a church, where we seek connection and unity, there’s still room to grow in how we relate to one another and ensure that everyone feels a sense of belonging.

This experience urged me to be an advocate for encouraging a more open and inclusive environment within the church community. It motivated me to stand up for those who may have felt their voices weren’t heard or their presence wasn’t fully acknowledged. The wisdom gained from this eye-opening revelation has become a guiding force in how I approach relationships and interactions, not only within the church but in all aspects of my life.

In conclusion, now I can look back and I’m thankful for this experience. Not only did it open my eyes to the way others might be feeling, but it also served as a catalyst to initiate my departure from the IFB.

If you would like to read more about my choice to find faith following fundamentalism click HERE. To read more about how I learned the benefits of waiting to speak from the scar instead of the wound click HERE. I have found the answer to Where is the Love, you can too by clicking HERE. Do you want to know why I have been adding disclaimers to my posts? You can read about that by clicking HERE.

Disclaimer: The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. I want to acknowledge that I am on a continuous journey of growth and self-improvement. I am aware that I don’t always respond or behave in the perfect way, as I am only human. However, I hold firm to the belief that treating people with kindness and respect is of utmost importance. While I may stumble along the way, my intention is always rooted in creating positive interactions and demonstrating consideration for others. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving community, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter.