Abstract/TL;DR: Exploring why the teachings of the IFB affected me deeply while others seemed to be able to stay or move on easily after leaving the IFB. It’s a complex interplay of personalities, life experiences, and emotional investments. Questioning beliefs led to guilt, fear, and confusion. Different support systems and resilience levels may influence how individuals process their experiences. Healing is unique to each person, and comparing ourselves to others is counterproductive. Seeking support from understanding individuals and acknowledging the impact of the group are essential steps in finding freedom and reclaiming our own beliefs and values. Healing is a gradual process, and it’s okay to take the time needed for self-discovery and growth.

As I have mentioned before, being part of the IFB community was a significant part of my life for many years. It provided a sense of belonging and familiarity, and I cherished the connections I had with many of my fellow church members. However, as time went on, I started to feel the weight of the controlling nature of the group.

I’ve often wondered why the actions and teachings of the group affected me so deeply while others seem to have no issue with staying in the community or moving on without much difficulty. It’s a question that has lingered in my mind for a while now.

The question of why some people are more affected than others by a controlling group like the IFB is complex. While I don’t have all the answers, the response seems to be multifaceted. It likely involves a combination of factors, including personalities, past experiences, commitment, and involvement, all shaping our responses to such environments.

Firstly, I believe part of it has to do with our unique personalities and life experiences. We all process and internalize things differently based on our individual backgrounds and vulnerabilities. Some people may naturally possess a more independent and critical thinking nature, making it easier for them to question and challenge the doctrines presented to them. On the other hand, those who are more trusting or predisposed to seeking authority figures may find themselves more susceptible to the group’s influence. 

For me, being part of the group provided a sense of belonging and purpose, but it also meant conforming to strict rules and beliefs that sometimes clashed with my own intuition. As I began to question those beliefs and the control that was imposed, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions. Guilt, fear, and confusion all weighed heavily on my heart. The fear of rejection and judgment from the community kept me bound to its teachings for far too long. As time went on I was deeply affected by being told one thing while I witnessed others acting in the opposite way. (Most would call this hypocrisy. No one likes to be called a hypocrite, but the IFB seems to get especially offended by this label, probably because it hits so close to home and the truth hurts…)

Past experiences can significantly influence our susceptibility to the influence of controlling groups. People who have gone through trauma or emotional vulnerabilities may have a greater inclination to seek a sense of belonging and stability within such communities, even if it means sacrificing some personal agency. The appeal of being part of a group, especially the “inner circle,” can be enticing. In my case, my connection to the group was particularly strong because the majority of my family shared the same beliefs and regularly served and attended the church services.

Conversely, some people might have had different support systems or life circumstances that made it easier for them to detach from the teachings of the controlling group. Their level of emotional investment in the community might not have been as profound, leading to lesser impact on their beliefs and actions.

The depth of impact can also be influenced by the intensity of involvement and the duration spent within the group. The longer and more intensely someone is exposed to the group’s teachings, the more profound its effects can be, both while in the community and even after leaving. Some may be able to stay within the group for years, seemingly unaffected, while others, like me, may need to heal and grow after leaving.

In my case, I was born into this community, and it became the only reality I knew. Throughout my upbringing, my family and I were intricately involved in various church activities. We were always ready to serve and participate, regardless of whether the events directly involved us or not. Choosing to distance myself was a choice to leave everything I had ever known and virtually start over.

After leaving, the process of healing and self-reflection varies significantly from person to person. Some may find peace and healing through supportive relationships, therapy, or their inherent resilience, moving forward with fewer scars. Others may need more time and support to confront the psychological and emotional effects of the group’s teachings and find their path toward growth.

Healing is a personal and individual process, and there’s no right or wrong way to navigate life after leaving a controlling group. Each person’s journey is valid, and comparing ourselves to others can hinder our progress.

Also our ability to heal and self-reflect differs among individuals. Some may naturally possess resilience, allowing them to move on without dwelling in the past. However, for others, like myself, it might require more time and effort to process the emotional baggage left behind by the experience. For instance, my husband, who is strong, sensible, and logical, seemed to work through everything with little turmoil, while three years later, I am still processing certain aspects of my experience.

I don’t have an answer for why I was so affected by the negative actions and teachings of my former church, or why it has taken me so long to process everything. But I have learned that healing after leaving a controlling group or situation is a unique and individual process, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Comparing ourselves to others can hinder our progress and growth.

Recognizing that healing is not linear is crucial. Each step we take towards healing and growth, regardless of its pace, is a significant accomplishment. It’s essential to be patient and compassionate with ourselves as we navigate through the complexities of healing.

Acknowledging the impact the group had on me was the first step toward finding freedom and peace in reclaiming my beliefs and values. Healing is a gradual process, slow progress is still progress, and it’s okay to take the time needed to rediscover myself and create a life that aligns with my values and convictions.

Disclaimer: The experiences and reactions described in my personal account are unique to my journey and perspective. While I share my story to provide insight into the impact of the group’s teachings on my life, it is essential to remember that each individual’s experience may vary. Some may find it easier to move on from such experiences, while others, like myself, might require more time and self-reflection to heal from the effects of the teachings. Our responses are shaped by our unique personalities, backgrounds, and support systems. It is crucial to respect and acknowledge the diversity of experiences among individuals who have been part of similar groups or communities. While no longer the case for me, some people find calm and support in groups such as the IFB due to the strong sense of community, shared beliefs, and structured framework that these groups provide. For some people, being part of a close-knit community that shares a common faith can offer a sense of belonging, purpose, and security. The structured rituals, traditions, and moral guidelines offered by such groups may bring a sense of stability and comfort in navigating life’s uncertainties.