Happy Halloween! It’s the last day of October which means trick or treating! It is also the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If you’re a woman between 40 and 75 and haven’t scheduled your yearly mammogram or screening yet, why not take a minute today to make that appointment? Early detection saves lives and taking care of your health is one of the best treats you can give yourself.
I remember that I was so excited to share what I had learned with my church ladies Bible study group. I had spent hours studying the book and passages and thinking about how to explain them in a way that would encourage discussion. As I began to speak, I noticed two women exchanging quiet glances. Their laughter was soft at first, barely audible, but it carried a weight that made me tense. Every word I spoke felt like a high-stakes examination where failure was not just an error, but a reflection of my character. They were intent on catching me in a mistake. When one of them finally asked a loaded question, not seeking clarity but looking to prove a point, I answered as best I could, keeping a practiced smile on my face. That night, I lay awake, replaying the interaction over and over, convinced I had failed not just as a person, but as a leader, and as a Christian. In the rigid world of the high-control church, where failure was treated as sin, being wrong was never seen as a chance to learn. Any mistake was seen as evidence of spiritual weakness. This mindset, which equates human error with moral failure is corrosive!
I think back to the years when the fear of failure felt completely normal. I was always trying so hard to get everything perfectly right. Whether it was in church, at work, in my marriage, and even in motherhood, I measured my worth by how successfully I could avoid mistakes. I didn’t realize it then, but this crippling self-assessment had deep roots in the high-control environment where failure was constantly treated as sin. It wasn’t until I recently read the words, “When you treat failure as information, not shame, you turn every loss into a stepping stone,” that I felt something seismically shift inside me. It was such a simple idea, yet one that felt almost revolutionary after a lifetime in an environment that did not allow room for failure. In the high-control IFB world, failure was often equated with sin. Mistakes were not opportunities to learn or grow; they were moral shortcomings that required repentance and often brought judgment or exclusion.
Looking back, I can see how deeply this mindset affected me. I learned to fear missteps, to hide imperfection, and to measure my worth by how well I appeared to uphold every rule and expectation. The problem was that this kind of life left no space for grace. It taught me to equate being human with being wrong, and it made growth nearly impossible. When failure is viewed as sin, curiosity and creativity shrink. People become afraid to try, afraid to question, and afraid to be honest about their struggles.
Now that I am outside that environment, I can see that failure is not a spiritual flaw but part of being alive. In fact, it is one of the most powerful teachers we have. Failure gives us data. It helps us see what does not work, what we might try differently next time, and where our true strengths lie. When we approach failure with curiosity instead of condemnation, we move closer to wisdom and compassion, both for ourselves and for others.
God’s grace is not conditional on perfection. If anything, grace assumes imperfection. The difference between shame and truth and growth is that one crushes the spirit, while the other restores it.
Even now, years later, the memory of that Bible study, with the exchanged glances, shared snickers, and the pointed question, still carries a faint sting. The difference is that I no longer replay the conversation to find the moment I “failed” as a leader or a Christian. Instead, I see that moment not as evidence of my spiritual weakness, but as an illustration of the corrosive power of a system that equated humanity with deficiency. My shame has been replaced by a sense of compassion for those two women, who were and still are trapped in the same rigid mindset. They were merely following the rules of a game we had all been taught to play, desperately measuring their own worth by the errors they could expose in others and the mistakes they could avoid. When we refuse to internalize judgment, we find the grace to extend it outward. Failure no longer defines me; it refines me.
Now, I try to live in a way that honors learning over fear. I still struggle with trying to be perfect, I still make mistakes, but instead of hiding them, I try to ask, “What can I learn from this?” Every time I do, I feel freer. Failure no longer defines me; it refines me. And that, I believe, is where grace truly begins.
Disclaimer: The personal experiences shared in this post are based on my personal perspective. While I chose to leave the IFB to find a more gracious and loving faith, it is important to acknowledge that individuals may have different experiences and find happiness within the IFB or any other religious institution. The decision to leave the IFB does not imply a loss of faith, as faith is a deeply personal and subjective matter. It is essential to respect and recognize the diversity of experiences and perspectives within religious communities. The content shared is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice, guidance, or a universal representation of the IFB or any religious organization. It is recommended to seek guidance, conduct research, and consider multiple perspectives when making personal decisions or exploring matters of faith.
Music has an uncanny ability to transport us back in time, reviving memories both joyful and painful with just a few familiar notes. I hadn’t heard To Be with You by Mr. Big in years, but the moment it played, I was instantly transported back to an experience from my childhood that left a lasting impression. Although I genuinely enjoy the song, it is forever tied to that memory.
I was around eleven years old when my neighbor had a birthday party at a skating rink. She was closer to my older sister than to me, she wasn’t able to go to the party for some reason or another, and I wasn’t particularly eager to go alone. However, as was often the case back then, my sister guilted me into attending in her place. I reluctantly went, already anticipating an uncomfortable time. As I expected, I knew hardly anyone there, and while I was only mildly friendly with the birthday girl, I was certainly not part of her close circle of friends.
The party proceeded as these events typically did, everyone laced up their skates and took to the rink. Loud music played over the speakers and everyone seemed to be having a great time. The birthday girl was surrounded by her friends, laughing and enjoying herself, while I glided around unnoticed, feeling out of place. Still to this day I remember the lump forming in my throat, the kind that signals an impending cry, but I willed myself to hold it together. No one was overtly mean to me (…yet), but the absence of any acknowledgment made me feel invisible, which in some ways was just as painful. Over the speaker Mr Big sang “Why be alone when we can be together, baby?” But in that moment, surrounded by people yet feeling completely isolated, the lyrics felt more like cruel irony.
Then came the moment that cemented this memory in my mind… We had gathered around to sing Happy Birthday and enjoy cake and ice cream. As I moved my arm, I accidentally knocked the plate of the birthday girl’s grandmother, causing her piece of cake to drop onto the floor. What followed was a shocking outburst. I can still picture it clearly in my mind as if it happened yesterday, the woman screamed at me as if I had committed an unforgivable offense. Her reaction was wildly disproportionate to the situation, berating me in front of everyone over a simple accident. While I don’t recall whether I ended up crying, I do remember the overwhelming embarrassment and shame that washed over me.
I don’t know if as a child I knew that her reaction was more about her own issues than about me or the fallen dessert? There was no excuse for speaking to a child that way, especially in a public setting over something so trivial. It wasn’t the first time I had witnessed an overreaction from this woman, she often spoke to her grandchildren that way, but it was the first time I had been the target of her misplaced anger. As far as I can remember it was the first time I had ever been the target of anyone’s misplaced anger, which is probably why it sticks out so starkly in my memory.
Decades later, when To Be with You played, I was instantly transported back to that moment, the skating rink, the loneliness, the humiliation. And yet, surprisingly, I really like the song. It’s strange how emotions and memories become intertwined with music, shaping our connection to it in ways we don’t always understand. Though the memory itself is painful, I may have felt small and invisible that day, but I emerged a stronger person. I personally would never speak to anyone that way, especially not a child. I have also learned that other people’s misplaced anger and overreactions are reflections of them, not of me.
It is so interesting how music has a way of stitching together moments of the past with the present. For people to truly want “To Be With You,” kindness and warmth matter far more than simply being present. Situations like what happened that day have taught me that making others feel included and valued is what truly brings people together.
I’m a creature of habit. Whenever we dine out at a fancy restaurant, I always find myself drawn to one of three dishes: a hearty braised beef, a delicate salmon, or a classic Chicken Piccata. While these restaurants certainly know how to elevate these dishes, I’ve learned that I don’t need a Michelin-star chef to enjoy a delicious plate of Chicken Piccata. In fact, this elegant dish is surprisingly simple to make at home.
Ingredients:
Instructions:
I love this lemony, caper-topped, and just buttery enough chicken dish! Enjoy your homemade Chicken Piccata!
I won’t hide the fact that I am struggling to come to terms with the results of the 2024 election, which did not go the way I expected. However, I am a firm believer in voting, democracy, and free and fair elections. Because of that belief, I must accept the outcome. But accepting it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Since November 5th, one question has been on my mind repeatedly:
While I don’t claim to have all the answers or fully understand it myself, here is what I’ve concluded about why people vote the way they do. But first a disclaimer…
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are my own. Since I live in a free country with the right to free speech, I am entitled to share my perspective, just as those who disagree with me or vote differently are entitled to theirs. What I consider to be my own best interest may be entirely different from what someone else considers to be theirs. Political beliefs and priorities are deeply personal and shaped by a variety of factors, and this diversity of thought is a cornerstone of democracy.
Throughout history, individuals and groups have often cast votes that appear to conflict with their own economic, social, or personal well-being. While it might seem counterintuitive, voting against perceived best interests is a complex phenomenon influenced by a range of factors, including misinformation, economic anxiety, cultural values, and identity politics. Understanding these factors provides insight into the motivations and behaviors that drive electoral outcomes.
One significant reason people vote against their interests is exposure to misinformation or disinformation. In an era where information is readily accessible, false or misleading narratives can spread quickly through social media, partisan news outlets, and word of mouth. When voters make decisions based on inaccurate information about candidates, policies, or their potential impacts, their choices may inadvertently harm their own interests. For example, during elections, certain campaigns might exaggerate the benefits of policies or obscure their potential drawbacks, leading to uninformed decision-making.
Economic instability and uncertainty often make voters more susceptible to rhetoric that appeals to their immediate fears rather than long-term interests. Populist and nationalist candidates, for instance, may promise quick fixes to economic woes, such as job creation through protectionist policies, even if these measures ultimately harm broader economic stability. This phenomenon is especially pronounced during periods of recession or financial crisis, where the allure of immediate relief overshadows more sustainable but less emotionally resonant solutions.
For many voters, social and cultural issues take precedence over economic considerations. Questions of morality, identity, and cultural preservation can shape voting behavior more powerfully than financial concerns. For instance, voters may prioritize policies on issues such as abortion, gun rights, or immigration, even if those policies have no direct economic benefit or potentially disadvantage them. This prioritization highlights how values and identity play a critical role in electoral decision-making.
Strong allegiance to a political party can also lead individuals to vote in ways that diverge from their own interests. Partisan loyalty often acts as a heuristic, simplifying the decision-making process by aligning voters with candidates from their preferred party, regardless of the candidates’ specific platforms. This phenomenon can be observed when voters consistently support their party’s candidates even when those candidates’ policies contradict their personal or economic interests. Such behavior underscores the emotional and psychological bonds voters form with their political affiliations.
Political disengagement and a lack of information also contribute to voters’ choices. Some individuals may not fully understand the implications of policies or how government decisions affect their lives. Others may feel alienated from the political process or believe that their vote does not matter, leading them to make choices based on limited knowledge or to abstain from voting entirely. This disengagement can result in electoral outcomes that fail to reflect the true interests of the electorate. Your vote does matter!!!
As political scientist Thomas Frank argues, wealthier voters often treat moral values as “luxury goods,” emphasizing social issues over material concerns. This polarization has influenced political discourse, shifting focus from economic inequality to cultural battles. For lower-income voters, this dynamic can create a difficult choice: support policies aligned with their moral beliefs or prioritize their economic well-being. Similarly, racial and cultural identities often play a pivotal role in shaping voting behavior. For instance, working-class voters may support policies that reinforce cultural narratives or racial hierarchies, even when those policies undermine their economic interests.
In the United States, fundamentalist beliefs in religion and the free market shape voting patterns in unique ways. Many voters support candidates who advocate for deregulation and limited government intervention, driven by a belief in individualism and market efficiency. This ideological commitment often overrides practical considerations, such as access to healthcare or social safety nets, that might otherwise align with their economic interests.
The decision to vote against one’s best interests is often influenced by a combination of misinformation, emotional appeals, identity politics, and ideological commitments. Recognizing these factors is important for understanding voter behavior and creating a more informed electorate. Addressing the root causes, such as improving access to accurate information and encouraging civic engagement, can empower voters to make decisions that align more closely with their long-term interests and societal well-being.
I have a feeling there have been times when I’ve voted against my own best interests, whether out of misunderstanding or lack of information. However, I firmly believe that when we know better, we have a responsibility to do better. With that in mind, I’ve been making a conscious effort to educate myself, not only to become a more informed voter but also to be a more engaged and thoughtful citizen.
Here’s to four years of doing our best to stay safe, sane, and supportive of one another. Whether or not we agree politically, we’re all in this together, and we share a common hope for a brighter future.
God bless the USA.
Resources:
[1] https://inthesetimes.com/article/the-elite-vote-against-their-interests-too-democrats-republicans
[2]https://doi.org/10.1525/california/9780520293298.003.0007
[3] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-D2HXpYUcs
[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjNWRi-HjlQ
[5] https://mediahub.unl.edu/media/8546
[6] https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/12/31/trump-white-working-class-history-216200
When I first picked up Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City by Matthew Desmond, I had no idea what an impact it was going to have on me. This book was assigned to me for the graduate class I will be taking this semester, and since I started reading it, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Normally, I’m not one to reread books—there are so many I want to read and so little time—but as soon as I finished Evicted, I started rereading it. I also don’t usually buy books, preferring to borrow them from the library, but I have already purchased this one because I want to have it in my library.
The book is more than a work of sociological research; it is a piercing lens into the lives of individuals and families caught in the relentless cycle of poverty and housing insecurity. Desmond’s ethnographic approach brings to life the stark reality of poverty in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, during and after the 2007-2008 financial crisis, following eight families from diverse racial and socio-economic backgrounds. This isn’t just a book—it’s a call to witness and confront the systemic injustices that perpetuate poverty in the United States.
As someone who has worked in healthcare as a nurse and observed the barriers people face in accessing resources, Evicted forced me to look deeper at the intersection of housing and health. Desmond’s portrayal of eviction’s cascading effects—job loss, educational disruption, and mental health crises—highlighted how housing instability undermines all other aspects of well-being. I couldn’t help but think about the families I’ve encountered in my work who faced impossible choices: pay rent or buy groceries, prioritize medication or utilities. This book made it clear that housing insecurity is not just an individual issue; it’s a public health crisis.
Desmond’s meticulous research and vivid storytelling place readers inside the daily struggles of his subjects. I was struck by the resilience of families like Arleen’s, a single mother trying to provide for her children despite being evicted multiple times, and Lamar, a disabled man living in a dilapidated home while attempting to support his sons. These stories aren’t just anecdotes; they’re evidence of how deeply rooted inequities disproportionately affect vulnerable populations. The book’s exploration of how landlords profit from the desperation of tenants left me questioning the morality of a system that commodifies basic human needs.
One of the most eye-opening aspects of Evicted was its examination of the role landlords play in perpetuating poverty. Desmond’s research shows how the power imbalance between landlords and tenants allows exploitation to thrive. I couldn’t stop thinking about the devastating reality that eviction isn’t just a result of poverty—it’s a cause of it. The act of losing one’s home sets off a chain reaction of instability, making it nearly impossible to escape the grip of poverty.
Reading Evicted also prompted me to reflect on the structural changes needed to address these issues. Desmond’s proposal for a universal housing voucher program is both compelling and necessary. Ensuring that families have access to safe and affordable housing is a foundational step toward breaking the cycle of poverty. The book inspired me to think critically about how public health policies could better integrate housing solutions to improve overall community health.
This book left an indelible mark on me, not just as a professional interested in studying public health but as a human being. It reminded me of the importance of empathy and the need to amplify the voices of those who are often overlooked. Their voices must move beyond acknowledgment and become integral to shaping the conversations and decisions that affect them. They need a seat at the discussion table. The stories in Evicted are painful and infuriating, but they are also a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
Desmond’s work underscores a simple yet profound truth: where we live impacts how we live. Housing isn’t just about having a roof over one’s head; it’s about dignity, stability, and opportunity. Evicted compelled me to not only acknowledge the devastating realities of housing insecurity but also to consider my role in advocating for change. It’s a book that doesn’t let you look away, and for that, I am grateful to have had my eyes opened.
“It is only after we begin to see a street as our street, a public park as our park, a school as our school, that we can become engaged citizens, dedicating our time and resources for worthwhile causes: joining the Neighborhood Watch, volunteering to beautify a playground, or running for school board.”― Matthew Desmond, Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City**
Reference:
Desmond, M. (2016). Evicted: Poverty and profit in the American city. Crown Publishers.
Click HERE to order your own copy of Evicted: Poverty and Profit in the American City**
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For many of us, the pursuit of thinness is ingrained as the ultimate goal—a marker of self-worth, discipline, and even happiness. Yet, for those who have reached their “ideal” weight and still found themselves unfulfilled, it becomes clear that thinness is not the answer. Losing one more pound or one more inch or being one dress size smaller is not going to make a difference. True health and happiness require redefining our relationship with our bodies, shifting our focus from appearances to holistic well-being. Here’s how to move beyond the constraints of trying to be thinner and embrace a more fulfilling life.
Shift your focus from weight to overall well-being. Health is about more than the number on a scale; it encompasses physical, mental, and emotional wellness. Set goals that prioritize strength, energy, and vitality rather than aesthetics. For instance, aim to improve your endurance, reduce stress, or get better sleep rather than striving to fit into a smaller clothing size.
Many of us lose touch with our bodies when we’re overly focused on weight loss. When I was focused only on my body’s aesthetics I would push through pain and soreness, ignoring my body’s cry for a break or a snack. Take time to listen to what your body needs. Practice intuitive eating by paying attention to hunger and fullness cues, and allow yourself to enjoy food without guilt. Explore activities that bring you joy, such as dancing, hiking, spending time outdoors, or yoga, rather than forcing yourself into workouts you don’t enjoy.
For many, the desire to lose weight and be thin is rooted in deeper emotional challenges, such as low self-esteem, perfectionism, comparison, competition, or a fear of rejection. Consider seeking therapy or counseling to unpack these feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Journaling, mindfulness, and meditation can also help you process emotions and build self-awareness. Personally, journaling has made a huge impact in helping me uncover the root cause of why I felt I needed to over-exercise and under-eat. Through reflection, I realized that these behaviors were driven by a desire for control and a belief that my worth was tied to my appearance, rather than my well-being. Writing allowed me to explore these feelings and gradually shift my mindset toward a healthier, more compassionate approach to my body.
Surround yourself with people who support your journey to redefine health and happiness. Share your goals with trusted friends or family members who encourage self-acceptance and balance. Limit interactions with individuals or communities that promote diet culture or body shaming. If certain people or social media accounts leave you feeling bad about yourself, consider distancing yourself from them or unfollowing them.
Reframe your definition of success to include accomplishments that have nothing to do with your appearance. This could mean developing a new skill, achieving a professional milestone, or strengthening relationships. Celebrate the qualities that make you unique, such as your kindness, creativity, or resilience. Although losing my job and the ability to exercise due to an injury initially triggered an identity crisis, deciding to go back to school to get my Masters allowed me to redefine success by focusing on accomplishments unrelated to my appearance.
Understand that the journey to redefining health and happiness is not linear. There will be days when self-doubt creeps in or when old habits resurface. Approach these moments with compassion rather than judgment. Remind yourself that progress is about learning and growth, not perfection. Even at my lowest weight and fittest state, I still wasn’t satisfied with how my body looked. There was always something to improve, a flaw to fix, or an imperfection to tweak—it was never enough.
Remember that happiness is found in the small, meaningful moments of life. It’s in savoring a meal with loved ones, laughing until your cheeks hurt, or feeling the sun on your skin during a walk. By focusing on these experiences rather than an arbitrary number, you’ll discover a more profound sense of fulfillment. It wasn’t until I began embracing and savoring these small, meaningful moments that I realized how much my pursuit of bodily perfection had been shaping my perspective.
Lastly question the societal standards that equate thinness with success and beauty. Reflect on where these beliefs came from—media, family, or cultural norms—and consider how they’ve influenced your self-perception. Educate yourself on how to care for your body in a healthy way—by eating for nourishment, not for aesthetics or control. Learn to enjoy a balanced diet, allowing yourself the occasional treat. Focus on strength without pushing yourself too hard, and give yourself grace when you need rest. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight or striving for a certain body type, remember that health comes in many shapes and sizes.
Changing your mindset is not easy. Letting go of the identity you’ve built around being thin or fit can be deeply challenging. Changing your mindset is not easy. Letting go of the identity you’ve built around being thin or fit can be deeply challenging. When I began gaining weight and losing my fit physique, I experienced an identity crisis. I questioned my value and struggled to redefine who I was beyond appearances. The praise and compliments from others had always been a nice confirmation of a job well done, but as my physique changed, most people didn’t even notice. My biggest critic was always me. However, through time and self-compassion, I realized that my worth was never tied to my body shape. While the process was difficult, it ultimately led me to a deeper, more authentic understanding of myself and my happiness.
Redefining health and happiness means letting go of the relentless pursuit of thinness and embracing a life that prioritizes balance, joy, and authenticity. The pursuit of being thin and fit or having an interested in being healthy is by no means wrong, but it should not come at the expense of a well-rounded life. By challenging societal norms, reconnecting with your body, and addressing emotional well-being, you can move beyond the constraints of trying to be thinner and step into a more empowered, fulfilling existence. Remember, your worth is not determined by your weight but by the richness of the life you create.
You can read more about The Weight of Happiness by clicking HERE.
**I’ve included some resources and references below.**
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on eating disorders or disordered eating. The information provided is based on general knowledge and personal experience and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. While I am a registered nurse, I am not your personal healthcare provider. It is advisable for you to consult with your own designated healthcare professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation for personalized guidance and recommendations tailored to your specific needs.
**Resources:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/eating-disorders
In our image-obsessed culture, weight loss is often touted as the ultimate solution to unhappiness. Countless ads, social media influencers, and even well-meaning friends perpetuate the idea that shedding pounds will magically bring fulfillment. But for many, the pursuit of weight loss becomes a treadmill of physical and emotional exhaustion, leaving them further from true happiness than they began. My own journey is a testament to this reality: at my thinnest and fittest, I may have looked my best, but my mental and emotional health were in shambles. Only when I let go of the relentless pursuit of thinness did I find genuine contentment.
Years ago, I dedicated myself fully to becoming the “ideal” version of myself. I exercised rigorously, adhered to strict dietary guidelines, and prided myself on my discipline. Outwardly, the results were impressive. Friends and acquaintances showered me with compliments, admiring my fit physique and apparent self-control. It felt so good to be given so much praise, but beneath the surface, I was unraveling.
The mental toll of maintaining that lifestyle was immense. My thoughts were consumed by calories, macros, and workout schedules. I felt immense pressure to maintain my appearance, fearing that any deviation from my routine would erase all my progress. What’s more, I ignored the warning signs of burnout, convincing myself that my worth was tied to how I looked. Even though I appeared healthy, I was silently battling anxiety, self-doubt, and an overwhelming sense of emptiness. I felt the need to compare and compete with those around me.
This precarious balance came crashing down when I suffered an injury that significantly altered my ability to exercise. Suddenly, my meticulously crafted routine was impossible to maintain. Around the same time, I experienced a series of personal losses that shook me to my core. The weight of grief and the inability to channel my emotions into physical activity forced me to confront the truth I had been avoiding: I was deeply unhappy, and no amount of weight loss or fitness could fill the void inside me.
Initially, I struggled to adjust. Watching my body change felt like losing a part of my identity. But as I began to let go of the unrealistic expectations I had placed on myself, something remarkable happened. I discovered a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in years. By allowing myself to relax and embrace a more balanced lifestyle, I found the space to heal emotionally and mentally.
Gaining weight, something I had once greatly feared so deeply, became a symbol of reclaiming my life. It meant enjoying meals with loved ones without guilt, spending time on hobbies that brought me joy, and prioritizing rest when my body needed it. I began to reconnect with who I truly was, apart from societal expectations or the number on a scale. For the first time in years, I felt whole. I felt happy. I felt content. I felt satisfied.
This journey taught me that the pursuit of thinness often comes at the expense of genuine happiness. While physical health and fitness is important, it should never overshadow mental and emotional well-being. True fulfillment comes from accepting ourselves as we are, imperfections and all, and building a life that aligns with our values rather than external standards.
Today, I am my truest, happiest self. My body may not fit my previous definition of perfection, but it is a vessel for a life filled with purpose, love, and joy. And that, I’ve learned, is far more valuable than any number on a scale. If you’ve been chasing weight loss as the solution to unhappiness, I encourage you to pause and reflect. Ask yourself what you truly need to feel whole. The answer, as I discovered, might not lie in losing weight but in finding yourself.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, it’s important to reach out for support. Seeking assistance from friends, family, or mental health professionals can make a significant difference in navigating these challenges. Remember that you don’t have to face it alone, and there are resources available to help you on the path to recovery. Prioritize your well-being and take the first step toward seeking the support you need.
**I’ve included some resources and references below.**
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on eating disorders or disordered eating. The information provided is based on general knowledge and personal experience and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. While I am a registered nurse, I am not your personal healthcare provider. It is advisable for you to consult with your own designated healthcare professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation for personalized guidance and recommendations tailored to your specific needs.
**Resources:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/eating-disorders
Content Warning: Eating disorders, disordered eating, anorexia, body image, mental health struggles,
The start of a new year often brings the pressure to diet, fueled by resolutions and societal narratives equating thinness with beauty and success. This mindset can create a harmful cycle, where people feel compelled to overhaul their eating habits, not for health, but to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. Such pressure can lead to restrictive behaviors, creating guilt and a negative relationship with food.
When I was about nine years old, I had a moment that forever changed my understanding of the world. It was Christmas time, and we were visiting my grandparents, enjoying listening to Christmas music. The soft, beautiful voice of Karen Carpenter filled the room, and I was completely mesmerized by her singing. It was the first time I had heard such a pure and captivating voice, and I couldn’t get enough of it. To this day, her voice, with its warmth and emotional depth, remains one of my all-time favorites.
As the music played, I turned to my grandmother and asked who is this amazing singer. She told me her name is Karen Carpenter, and then added, “It’s too bad she died so young. She starved herself to death.”
I was shocked, my mind was racing with questions. I couldn’t comprehend how someone so talented and successful with such an amazing voice could choose not to eat. Why would she do that? My young mind struggled to understand.
The music superstar was just 32 years old when she succumbed to the disease in 1983.
Later on I remember asking my Mother about it and she explained that Karen Carpenter suffered from something called anorexia, a mental health eating disorder, a condition where people feel compelled to control their food intake in harmful ways.
I remember feeling a mix of confusion and sadness. It was hard to believe that someone with such an amazing gift, someone who brought so much joy to others, could be struggling so much inside. The idea that someone could be so affected by societal expectations that they would harm themselves was a new and startling revelation for me. It wasn’t until years later that I would fully understand how internal and external pressure along with beauty standards can sometimes lead people to take drastic measures to feel like they fit in, and how dangerous it can be.
It isn’t fully known why people choose to become anorexic, maybe because they want to look a certain way or feel pressure from society to meet certain beauty standards, or maybe because they feel their life is out of control and their food intake is something they can have control over.
That conversation with my grandmother opened my eyes to a harsh reality I had never known before. It made me realize that behind the fame and talent, there could be deep, painful struggles. It was the first time I understood that not everything is as it seems and that the pressures of society can have a profound impact on individuals mental, emotional and physical health.
As I grew older, this early lesson stayed with me. To this day, I still think about how much pain Karen Carpenter must have been in to deny herself the nutrients she needed to sustain life. It serves as a constant reminder of the silent struggles that many individuals face behind closed doors.
Though I may never fully understand the depths of Karen’s anguish, I do understand the allure of weight loss being rewarded. In a world that often equates thinness with worth and beauty, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that shedding pounds will bring happiness and acceptance. But this pursuit can quickly become dangerous, distorting reality and overshadowing true well-being. As I’ve come to realize, no amount of weight loss can fill the void left by a lack of self-acceptance or heal the emotional scars inflicted by societal expectations. The real challenge is learning to see beyond these superficial ideals and embrace the inherent worth and beauty that exists in every person, regardless of their size.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, it’s important to reach out for support. Seeking assistance from friends, family, or mental health professionals can make a significant difference in navigating these challenges. Remember that you don’t have to face it alone, and there are resources available to help you on the path to recovery. Prioritize your well-being and take the first step toward seeking the support you need.
Resources:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/eating-disorders
Project HEAL. (2023, November 10). Project HEAL. https://www.theprojectheal.org/
Disclaimer: I am not an expert on eating disorders or disordered eating. The information provided is based on general knowledge and personal experience and should not be considered as a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. While I am a registered nurse, I am not your personal healthcare provider. It is advisable for you to consult with your own designated healthcare professional to determine the best course of action for your specific situation for personalized guidance and recommendations tailored to your specific needs.
The phrase “New Year, New You” is a popular mantra that often accompanies the arrival of January, encouraging personal transformation and goal-setting. While it can inspire positive change, the phrase can also be hurtful for some individuals. It implies that the current version of a person is insufficient, feeding into feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This pressure to reinvent oneself can be particularly harmful to those struggling with mental health challenges or self-esteem, as it may reinforce the idea that they must conform to societal expectations of success or perfection.
The notion of completely overhauling oneself within a short time frame can be overwhelming and unrealistic. This can lead to feelings of failure when lofty resolutions are not achieved, perpetuating a cycle of self-criticism. True growth often requires gradual, compassionate efforts rather than a radical transformation dictated by an arbitrary date.
Instead of striving for a “New You,” embracing the idea of continual self-improvement and self-acceptance throughout the year may foster more meaningful and lasting change. Celebrating progress, no matter how small, is a kinder and more sustainable way to approach personal development.
Looking Joli Good 